Burning on the Edge
by starnormand
Summary: Post 2x08. After C. decided they can't have a normal relationship, Blair feels more unworthy and more insecure concerning the future than ever. Starting to spiral downwards bit by bit, Dan unexpectedly seems the only she allows to care. Dan/Blair.
1. The Nature of My Game

Summary: After ruining Chuck and Blair's meeting on the roof, Dan feels guilty and approaches Blair, upon which they're both unwillingly dragged into each other's emotional world. However, they see the people around them develop new relationships, they decide to explore the one between them.

A/N: enjoy!

**Burning on the Edge**

1. The Nature of My Game

Stepping into the school hallway, Dan immediately began to scan the place for Serena, knowing Blair would be attached to her, as she was 99 per cent of the time. Why? Well, it was not that he loved being around Blair and wanted to have a nice conversation with her; he simply wanted to apologize for last night. For the mess he had made of her love life: he had screwed up whatever she was going to have with Chuck and knowing –yet not understanding- Blair sincerely loved him, he felt guilty.

However, his want to apologize was nothing short of selfish because it wasn't as much about Blair as it was about him. In all honesty, he had to admit Blair and her life could resemble an atom-bombed city and he wouldn't care one bit. In fact he'd probably say it was karma and that she deserved everything that came to her for being such an underhand bitch. However, it was the fact that _he_ had made it a ruin that bothered him so much. _He_ had done something wrong and as a result, his conscience –not Blair's pain- was weighing on him. Like a ton of bricks, a burden he desperately needed to lighten.

He had been looking for hardly ten seconds when he spotted his ex-girlfriend. Quickly he walked up to her and saw there was no Blair hanging around Serena yet. However, it was still only ten past eight so she'd probably be here any minute to demand her friend's complete attention.

"Hey," Dan greeted

Serena looked up, a small smile curling her perfectly painted lips as she looked at him. "Good morning."

Not knowing what to say immediately, Dan bowed his head, fixating his eyes on his feet.

Serena raised her arm and lightly touched his hand. "Is there something the matter?" she asked in a soft, caring tone.

"No…Well… Yes… I…."

She rolled her eyes yet smiled. "Dan," she then said his name. Firmly, to urge him to spit out whatever was on his mind.

"I'd like to apologize to Blair," he then pushed out in one breath.

"Oh…" Serena let out seemingly hesitant. "I don't know if that's such a good idea. You know Blair and you know how vengeful she is. And you… Well you maimed the most important thing in her life right now."

"Well, 'maimed' is a very strong word, I wouldn't say-"

"Dan, please," she cut him off. "Insecure girl, finding it hard to love and having even more of a problem with feeling good enough for…anything. She has so many issues with herself and you took away the one person she feels perfect with."

"You're making her sound more pitiful than she is, Serena."

"I'm just trying to even out all the bad thoughts you have of her."

"Fair enough," he nodded in an admitting manner. "Any idea when she'll be here?"

"Who?" sounded a voice from behind him. Dan turned around to see the displeased face of the '95-pounds of girly evil' as he had so sweetly described Blair a while ago. "And what are you doing here again?" she continued without waiting for an answer. "Serena," she then addressed her friend. "is it going to be like this all the time now? I understand you want to still be friends with him –well, I don't" she changed her mind "but anyway, we've been friends longer, and I don't like him, or this situation. Something has to be done about it right now. I need your help, and no Humphrey. I'm in a crisis."

"You don't say," Dan let out.

She slightly cocked her head at him, rolling her brown eyes. "You know, Humphrey, I'd like to leave you with one thought, but I wouldn't be sure where to put it."

"Ouch, Blair…You're hurting my feelings," he exclaimed grabbing his chest.

"Serena," Blair shrilly let out her friend's name.

"Blair, what do you want me to do?"

"Send him away."

"But I'm here for you," Dan quickly jumped in.

"Ew."

"No…. Oh, God; not in that way. I need to talk to you about something. In private." He avoided looking at Serena's face, upon which you could read she thought this was a bad, horrendous idea.

"What about?"

"I… Really don't want to say it now-"

"Why not? It can't be that bad." Serena bowed her head, which was immediately noticed by Blair. "What... is going on here?" she asked in a slightly panicky tone. "Serena?"

"Oh no," the blonde said. "I'm staying out of this one."

She looked at Dan from top to toe with contempt in her eyes. "I can't now; and quite frankly, I don't feel comfortable being seen talking to you in public."

"Let's hide."

"Why?" she asked confused. "Are you wanted?"

"-"

"Certainly not by me."

"Not now," he sighed. "Later, to… talk."

"Oh… Well alright. Meet me here at lunch."

"Huh… I can't then," Dan protested. "I have to finish an assignment for English."

"Then when?" She didn't want to admit it, but him and Serena had evoked her curiosity. No way she'd go to bed tonight without knowing what they were keeping from her.

"After school?"

"Where would we hide?"

Dan grimaced annoyed. "I don't know, Blair, maybe we can just walk?"

"In the Upper East Side?" she questioned. "No. Are you aware of how many acquaintances I have that would be more than surprised –and not in a good way- to see me with you? It'd be like Charlize Theron hanging out with Spencer Pratt."

"OK…" he began, ignoring the fact she compared him with that slime ball from the Hills. "How about Brooklyn then? I know a coffee shop where even… Brad and Angelina could go to without being recognized."

Blair reflected. The fact that they'd meet in Brooklyn was a big con but quite frankly, the fact that she wouldn't be seen with Dan –poor- Humphrey thumped the location. "Alright."

"OK… See you then. Bye, Serena." With that, Dan turned around and began to walk away.

"Wait!" Blair suddenly exclaimed. "How will we get there? It'll be rush hour; traffic will be huge."

"The subway, Blair."

"Subway…" she echoed in disgust before turning to Serena with a scrunched up nose.

Her friend just shrugged. "Not all guys travel by limo."

x

"Blair, what are you doing?" Dan asked.

Her head popped back up from under their table. "Checking for blood specks and/or revolvers pasted to the bottom of the table, as this place looks like mob exchanges take place here."

_A mob exchange is nothing compared to this_, Dan thought. "I suggested sitting on the terrace, you know," he reminded. "Next to the pond, nice view."

"Where everyone can see us!

"No-"

"I'm only here anyway so that you'd tell me the thing Serena didn't want to tell me because it was so bad," she cut him off. "Just say what you have to say now and preferably in less than five minutes. I have better things to do than to sit here in a stinky… whatever-it-is, talking to you."

"I want to talk to you about yesterday."

She turned her head to the side at once as a flash of hurt came over her face. "What about it?"

"I …messed with your head," he said, realizing he could've worded this better.

She looked back at him non-understanding. "What do you mean?"

He took a deep breath. "Right before you went to the rooftop to meet with Chuck, Vanessa kind of told me something. About you playing games with her, humiliating her?"

"Well, yeah, did she tell you she tried to blackmail me?"

He bowed his head quickly. "No, she didn't." _Damn_. The burden of his conscience had doubled in just a second.

"Well, she did," Blair said frustrated. "But I don't get what that has to do with me and Chuck?"

"I wanted you to learn a lesson so right before you were going up, I warned you about his intentions," Dan confessed. "I knew that'd make you insecure and would probably ruin your meeting with Chuck." He scanned her face. "I'm sorry, Blair."

Blair looked at him shocked. She didn't know his mind could twist this way. This was her kind of thing to do: get into people's minds, confuse them, shake them up. Apart from Dan Humphrey not being who she thought he was, she also felt almost embarrassed over the fact that she had confided in Dan about her feelings for Chuck. He had been meant to help her, but had taken the opportunity to take her down.

Confused and angered, she grabbed her purse off the table and ran outside. Dan also got up from the table and followed her on the terrace. When he caught up with her, he grabbed her arm. Blair stilled her tread and tried to pull loose, while Dan did everything he could to keep his hold of her.

What happened next, seemed like it did in slow motion: Blair slipped and began falling back into the pond, which caused Dan to let her go. However, as she was going down, she grabbed Dan's sleeve frantically; the message in her eyes clear: you're going down with me, pathetic son of a bitch.

Moments later they were gasping for air and shivering because of the coldness of the water. "My Chloé, gold-studded headband!" Blair shrieked appalled while Dan was still rubbing the water from his eyes.

A kind-looking, graying man walked up to them and first pulled Blair out. Her beautiful brown locks, now looking like seaweed, sadly hung down her face. Standing back on firm ground, she looked down at her soaked designer clothes and curled her bottom lip in a sincerely shattered pout. "My Cavalli boots… ruined!"

When the man reached for Dan, her face deformed from disgust into fury. "Let him in there!"

"No, sir, help me out," Dan pleaded.

"You deserve to stay there!" Blair yelled at him. "You even belong there, you and your duck lips."

"I do not have duck lips!"

"Do to!"

"Do not."

"Do to!"

"Do not," Dan screamed louder. "Help me out. Please," he again asked and the man now firmly grabbed his arm and pulled him out. "Thanks sir."

"No problem."

When he tore his eyes away from the man, he noticed Blair was already sprinting away again. He again followed her, carefully avoiding coming to close to the pond. "Wait up, Blair!"

"I don't want to wait up; I don't even want to hear your pathetic voice." She let out a frustrated yell. "You ruined my life yesterday and now you ruined my outfit too! I must say this is an EXCELLENT time for you to become a missing person. How do you expect me to travel home like this? Huh?"

"You can change at my place."

She let out a mirth laugh. "Did I miss something? Is hell freezing over already?"

"Blair, my apartment is five minutes from here," he said having finally caught up with her. "If you want to go to the Upper East Side right now it'll take you an hour." He scanned her body and face. "And I have to say you do not look much like an Upper East Side princess right now. Who knows what people might say?"

She looked down, acknowledging the less than appealing way she looked at the moment. The cold, poor weasel had a point.

"Please, it's the least I can do," he offered. "And after that, you don't ever have to speak to me again. Promise."

She gave him a stab with her eyes. "Fine." She marched forward again with her nose pointed to the sky. Dan was a little perplexed at how she could still ask so haughtily looking like… Well like she had just fallen into a pond. "Blair," he quickly cut her off. "It's actually the other way."

She stopped walking and turned around with the same superior look on her face. "Then lead me the way. Dork."

x

With a towel wrapped around her body, Blair exited the bathroom. Dan looked up and was briefly speechless. She was beautiful, even with her hair just washed and without make-up.

"What?" she snapped noticing him stare.. "If you even think of telling this somebody, you're dead, understand?"

"I won't tell a soul."

"Well, yes. You already ruined my love life and my Chloé headband so that's enough, right? No need to ruin my social status too, you're already satisfied."

"Blair…"

"Dan, do me a favor and don't talk. Just give me some clothes"

"Um, yeah," he replied. "Jenny must have something."

"She's the size of a cue stick; her clothes won't fit me."

"Well, there's still some of my mom's clothes here," he said before looking up at her, waiting for her to say something.

"Don't just stand there, go get them!" Blair urged him.

A couple of minutes later he came back with a simple jeans and white shirt. "This is all that's left."

"She has no taste." She said snatching the clothes out of his hand. "Like mother, like son." With that, she disappeared in the bathroom and changed.

"I called you a cab," Dan said as she came back into the living room. "He'll be here in ten."

Without saying a word, she sat herself down on the small seat opposite the couch.

"So what'll be my punishment?" Dan asked breaking the silence. He expected to get one, especially after this afternoon.

"No punishment," Blair responded coldly. "I'm so sick and tired of you; I don't want you in my life in any way. Not even to 'learn you a lesson'."

Dan leaned back rolling his eyes. All day he had beard her insults and put-downs but now he had enough. "You know what, Blair? What I did was wrong, but you are no angel either so step pretending like you are," he told her. "But who knows… You probably actually _believe_ you are."

"I know who I am! I'm Blair Waldorf!"

"Yes, and you're one HELL of a person. Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get." He knew he probably took it too far with this, but at the moment he didn't really care.

Blair rose from the seat at once and stormed to the door.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" Dan simply asked. "To have someone speak to you in that way?"

"The way I treat you and the way you treat me is NOTHING alike!" she screamed, turning around again. She walked up to him, pointing her finger to his face. "I call you poor, I call you dirty, I say I don't enjoy your company-"

"What's the point here?"

"You know why you don't like me? You think I'm vicious, bitchy, manipulative, hypocritical and you judge me for _that_. Not because I'm rich or because I'm… _clean_ or any of those shallow things that make me talk to you the way I do. You, Humphrey, disapprove of me in a fundamental way, and so you hurt me in the same way too," she yelled.

Dan furrowed his brows, shocked and confused. Maybe Blair wasn't a bad person but simply one who takes everything, including herself, too seriously.

"And that's why you and I differ!" she continued. "Until today, I honestly believed you were a good person, but you always saw me as bad." She paused shortly. "You probably don't even care about how I feel right now, after last night. You probably did this, APOLOGIZED, to make yourself feel better. Or did you not, you hypocritical bastard?"

"-"

"Oh, oh and you wanted to talk about _punishments_? Why don't you think of one yourself? You're quite the expert. Take for example me! You successfully dissected me and then skillfully struck me where you knew it'd hurt worst." She turned around again. "CONGRATULATIONS and good luck ruining more lives," she said opening the door. "Just stay the hell away from mine."

All Dan could do after her rant, was look perplexed at his door which closed with a big bang. Surely, a scenario like this could've only taken place with him, Dan Humphrey. He had tried to be honest today and fix his karma, but instead he had made everything ten times worse. He couldn't believe what a mess he always made of things.

He felt the need to apologize to Blair again, for his judgmental nature. He wanted her to know he didn't disapprove of her in a fundamental way. But this time, it wasn't because he wanted to feel better about himself. This time, he cared about her feelings. This time, he cared about Blair.

Tell me what you think!


	2. Teenage Dirtbag

A/N: Thanks for the reviews on the first chapter guys; I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Contrary to the show, I'm going to get more into Blair's bulimia because though her character is one of the most layered and developed, I feel they haven't given that side enough attention. After all, an eating disorder is something you struggle your whole life with, and especially when you experience the things Blair goes through.

Anyway, enjoy (and leave a review, pretty please)!

* * *

2. Teenage Dirtbag

A bunch of make-up brushes surrounded the antique mirror in Blair's room as the brunette was in the middle of her daily routine. Putting her eye pencil down, she gazed at herself and sighed at the bags under her eyes. However, her sigh wasn't only directed towards the tiredness dripping off her face but also towards yesterday's events and Dan's words, which kept echoing through her head.

_"Yes, and you're one HELL of a person. Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get."_

She shouldn't care, right? Humphrey wasn't a friend; he didn't know how fiercely loyal she was inside. How far away she stood from her outer human monster image. He had no idea. Plus, even if some people didn't like her, she still did. She liked herself, she did! She had learned to, despite her mother.

But then why… She wondered…Then why what he had said had gotten to her. Why what he had said was actually… true?

Serena was the only one who had ever been able to deal with her tantrums, her mood swings, her bitchiness and her depressions. Yes, Serena was her best friend. The best she could get. But a friend who had snuck behind her back to screw her boyfriend; and lied about it for over a year.

Maybe she _was_ what Dan thought of her. Maybe. Her mind was telling her he had been speaking the truth but she had to resist giving in to the voice. It's what had made her ill, what had made her vomit. Thinking she was a monster, someone with no social skills or heart.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked at herself. Monster. Inside and out. Nothing like Serena. She wasn't a gorgeous blond Amazon with an air of kindness around her or warmth but an average-looking brunette built out of coldness and awkwardness.

She put her elbows on her make-up table and leaned forward, resting her chin in her hands. She wasn't happy. Simple as that. Despite being in love. Despite telling herself to suppress these kinds of thoughts.

Truth be told, she had never been truly happy in her life, not once. There had always been something missing. Or more than something. It made her consider the possibility that maybe she wasn't meant for that, happiness. Some people are doomed, destined to go through life searching for a completeness they'd never get. Maybe she was one of them.

She again fixated herself on the image before her, which seemed to get worse with each second. After about five minutes she was convinced: she was indeed one of them.

x

During lunch, Blair approached Chuck, asking if they could talk. He obliged and they decided to go take a walk in the park nearby. It was a beautiful autumn day and the landscape was drowned in red, yellow and green. However, she couldn't enjoy it. All that happened in the past weeks had begun to way heavy on her and it seemed that yesterday had been the final drop. She couldn't believe it, but Humphrey, with words that would normally never crack her but in these circumstances, had caused her breaking down right now.

"So…What did you wanted to talk to me about?" Chuck asked when they had walked fifteen minutes without having an actual conversation.

"What do you see in me, Chuck?" she asked bluntly.

"What do you mean?"

"It's a simple question?"

"I… don't get it."

"What do you see in me?"

"-"

"You?"

"Well… Yes," he answered. "I feel connected to you."

"You see me in you?"

"I told you 'yes'."

"And how do you see yourself?"

He clenched his jaw and looked away from her at once. Blair and Chuck both knew what he thought of himself. He though of himself as unworthy, evil and not deserved to be loved. "Come on, Blair, that's not fair. To me _or_ you."

"I'm sick of having to ask my questions multiple times, Chuck," she said sternly. "I'm not a parrot." He didn't answer so she tried to word her question differently. "Do you think I'm a good person?"

He furrowed his brows confused. "Blair… I don't get where all this is coming from. Being saints, trying to do good or be charitable… That's not who we are; and I never thought that was what either of us strived to be," he said. "We're cunning. We scheme and plot and will use people if they can be to our advantage. Our redeeming quality is that we're no hypocrites about it, we own up to it."

He was right. But was it so naïve of her to assume people thought she was good, deep inside? "Simply said… I'm a bad person and would be a hypocrite if I claimed I wasn't?" she asked as her eyes turned glazy yet again. "Then why would you want me? Why not look for someone better?"

"There's no one better for me."

She gave him a long stare, her face deformed in disgust. "No… There's no one better. You're settling with me because you don't think anyone better would be able to put up with you."

He wanted to say it wasn't true and a part of him did believe that, but another couldn't deny there was at least some truth to her words. Blair read that part in an instant and gave him a small nod, which indicated she was done here. Even the one guy she loved, the one guy who loved her thought she was a bad apple. It was a slap in the face to say the least. Without saying another word, she turned around and ran over the cobble-stone path, out of the park.

x

Back in school, Blair remembered she still had to pick up her history book and walked to her locker, bumping into Serena on the way. Immediately she looked down and further turned her head to the side. She couldn't believe this was happening again but she couldn't help it: her world was tumbling down on her, packed with raging insecurities and she wanted to pull her hair out at her urge to go pig out and then puke her guts out, hoping that'd relief some of her pain. She didn't want to let her disease take over her life again, but her weakness was gripping her around the neck, choking her little by little.

"Blair, what's wrong?" Serena immediately asked.

"N-Nothing."

"Come on, I can s-"

"I said there's nothing going on, Serena! Did three years of snorting coke rupture not only your nostrils, but your eardrums too?"

"Blair!"

"There's nothing you can do for me."

"I can-"

"There's nothing _you_ can do for _me_."

"God, not this again," Serena mumbled.

"NOT THIS AGAIN?" Blair shrieked before breathing deeply. "I feel this big" she held her index finger and thumb hardly an inch apart "around you. I feel less. I feel insecure. I feel like I'm never good enough!" Serena stuck out her hand but Blair stumbled back aggressively. "And you say 'not this again'?!?" she shouted.

"I didn't mean it like that… It's just not easy for me-"

"It's never easy for you, is it?"

"Blair… Did something happen?" Serena tried again, trying not to get too frustrated. She loved Blair as much as she loved her brother and she'd go through fire for her, but she couldn't if she didn't let her. And Blair didn't want it. "Because you can talk to me."

"I can't. Not when…" _so many of my issues derive from you_, she would've finished her sentence. "I just can't talk to you; I need you to leave me alone for a bit. Not for long, just a couple of days. Please do that for me." _I need to get myself together_, she thought.

"OK," Serena replied sadly.

Blair then turned around without thinking of taking her history book out of her locker. "B, I love you," she heard but she acted like she didn't and just continued walking. She knew Serena loved her and it hurt Blair to know that the only person who did that in a pretty much unconditional way was the one person who could make her hate herself in the worst way.

x

She never made it back to class. Instead of listening to Mr. Harolds talk about the Persian wars, she had emptied the candy vending machine and was surrounded by chocolate bars, chips and peanuts in one of the girls' toilets. For at least twenty minutes, she just stared at all the food, getting slightly sweaty in the process. She didn't want to fall back but life was so damn hard at the moment. Chuck rather played games than actually be with her, Serena was Serena, Yale didn't want her, her mother never had time for her, her father was in France, and the list just went on and on. The only one who was always there for her was Dorota, and she was in Michigan at the moment for a week to visit her sick uncle so right now … She was alone. Completely and utterly alone.

With that thought planted in her head, she reached for a Snickers. She unwrapped the wrapping slowly, looked at the chocolate for a single second and then stuffed the candy bar in her mouth in less than ten seconds. But it wasn't enough. She needed more, and she had more. Ten minutes later she was surrounded with empty wrappings and felt like her body was in the right place to throw everything up.

She leaned over the toilet seat, stuck her finger as deep in her throat as she could, and then did what was a routine for her years ago: puke until there was nothing left to puke out. Her eyes turned glazy and she knew her throat would be sore later but it didn't matter because right now, it helped in some twisted way.

What she didn't know was that Dan Humphrey had asked to be excused about ten minutes ago, to go to the bathroom but instead of ending up in the men's room he now stood in the ladies' one. It wasn't what he normally did but he had heard the sound of someone throwing up pretty badly and thought he should ask if she needed help.

He knocked the door from which the sound came. "Hello?" he asked a tad clueless. "Are you OK in there? Should I get Mrs. Hamilton?"

"Go away," Blair cried.

"W…Waldorf?" he stuttered. "Are you sick?"

"I swear to God, Humphrey, if you don't go away right now, I will turn your life into a living HELL."

"OK…" He stepped to the door, opened it and closed it again, making it seem like he had left. Not being her usual, sharp self, it didn't even cross Blair's mind that maybe he wasn't really gone. Her mind was set on one thing right now: getting rid of the evidence, which included throwing away the wrappings and rinsing her mouth.

She stood up, opened her door and stepped out of the cabin. When she saw Dan, she quickly wanted to get in there again but he was quicker than her and pulled the door with a strength that didn't even begin to compare with hers. She stumbled back against the wall and put her hands in front of her face in shame. She hated him but she couldn't deny he was clever, not that he needed to be to put two and two together.

His face was plastered with shock as he gazed down at the floor, filled with candy wrappings. "You ate all this?" he asked stunned. Blair didn't answer but just cry. Then she bowed over the sink and rinsed her mouth quickly. She wanted to get out of there, but not with the taste of vomit in her mouth.

However, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't suppress the tears she so desperately wanted to hide in public. Dan gazed at her still like a deer in headlights, not immediately comprehending that Blair Waldorf, Upper East Side princess, had bulimia.

Blair looked up at herself in the mirror and saw her mascara was smudged and her face was pale from the make-up she had cried off. It only made her angrier and sadder. "Why does everything have to be so FUCKED UP?" she yelled.

"I don't know," Dan whispered as he came closer.

"What are you doing?" she asked panicky.

"Something I had never seen myself doing. Ever."

"Stand back," she ordered, looking in his eyes through the reflection of the mirror. When he didn't listen, she turned around. "I mean it, Humphrey."

But Dan didn't listen and opened his arms.

Blair shook her head as fresh tears sprung in her eyes. "No…" She tried to push herself even closer to the sink but in vain. He simply enveloped her in his arms tightly. Blair didn't want to stay there, pressed to his body but she craved comfort, and couldn't deny it, even if it was Dan's. And so she tugged his sleeve and cried in his shirt. And he didn't mind. "I…I…" she tried to speak but the words choked in her mouth.

"I won't tell anyone, I promise. You don't have to worry," he reassured her. They fell in a short silence. "Blair…" he then spoke. "Should I call Serena?"

A year ago, she would've said 'yes' but fair to Serena or not, Blair realized more than ever she would only worsen her situation now. She was as much a factor of her problem as her cold mother or her absent father. "No…No." When she had calmed down only a bit, she realized she was actually seeking comfort in Dan Humphrey and pulled loose. "I'm going home."

"Oh… OK."

"I first have to clean this mess," she sighed as she fell down to her knees, getting all the wrappings together and throwing them in the trash can.

As she walked towards the door, Dan asked: "Is your mother home?"

"No, but she'll be tomorrow."

"And your maid?"

Blair remained silent for a minute. "In Michigan."

"So you're alone?"

"Dan, let's get one thing clear," she began sharply. "I don't need you to be my guardian angel. Not you of all people. I want you to forget this ever happened."

"I don't want to be your guardian angel. But if Serena isn't going to and Chuck is out doing God-knows-what because he can't commit to a normal relationship with you, who is?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does. And I can't forget this happened. I'm taking you home."

"Like hell you are."

"This is not up for discussion."

"Exactly."

"Then I'll follow you all the way home, yelling 'but I thought we we're going to go to the lesbian concert down in Brooklyn tonight?!?'."

"You wouldn't!" Blair gasped.

"I know it sounds like a ridiculous bluff, but trust me, it isn't."

"Fine. But we're not taking any subway!"

x

About forty minutes later, Blair was safely home. "I guess I'm going to head off then," Dan said as he stared into the big empty space. He didn't know what else he had to say or do and he didn't want to come across too pitiful.

Also Blair was looking around her, feeling numb. It was how she forced herself to feel as it was that or hurt. "Bye."

"Or I can stay?" Dan suggested. "I mean, I've always wanted to be able to make myself home in a place that costs more than my entire family's houses combined." Upon that, he plumped down in her couch. "Comfy."

Blair looked down, not knowing what to say. She knew damn well he was installing himself there because he was still worried, but she was happy he was disguising his good intentions under bad yet transparent ones. It made all of this easier. "You're so annoying," Blair groaned. And she did. She hated his guts… But she needed some company. She was in such a state that she would've taken a dirty dog from the streets to hold tonight.

Dan switched on the television. "Ooh, Dr. Phil," he exclaimed. "I love that dude, he's so honest, don't you think?"

"I'm taking a shower," Blair sighed. Standing at the foot of the stairs she asked: "Do you think you'll still be here infesting my couch when I come back down?"

Dan looked down biting his lip. He felt sorry for her but knew that if he wanted to make sure she wouldn't do herself any harm anymore today, he had to play along and make his pity too obvious. "Well, it's House after this; and I've missed a couple episodes already. That Cameron is such a babe."

"Ugh," she sighed and climbed up.

As she was up, Dan leaned back going over all that happened today. He had no idea Blair had these kind of issues and was taken aback to say the least. He didn't know what to do about what he had witnessed but he didn't want to leave her alone tonight in these circumstances. He took his cell phone and dialed his home's number.

"Hey, dad?"

"Hi, son, where are you?" Rufus asked. "You should've been home by now."

"I'm with Blair's, and I think I'm staying the night."

"Excuse me? No-"

"Not like that. She's going through a rough time."

"It's not your job to take care of her; you don't even like her, Dan."

"She has no one."

"-"

"No. She literally has no one."

Rufus sighed. "What am I going to do with you?"

"It's only this one time, I promise."

"OK," he gave in reluctantly, knowing his son wouldn't just stay with a girl he despised for kicks. Just as Dan was about to hang up, Rufus asked: "Is it very serious?"

"Quite, but it's not my place to tell; that I know for sure."

"Dan… I trust you."

"I know, and I'd never take advantage of that."

"I hope so."

With that, the conversation was over.

"What are you watching now?" sounded a seemingly irritated voice.

He looked at the digital TV Guide and chose an incredibly long film. "Spartacus."

"That film lasts, like, three hours."

"It's a classic," Dan shrugged. "You know the fight scene, with the army? Well I guess you don't since you seem more like the Disney movie type but it is still the most expensive one ever made. And it is, really spectacular. A feast for the eye."

Suppressing a smile as she tried to look as full with contempt as possible, Blair went to sit next to him. "You're hopeless, Humphrey; I don't get what Serena ever saw in you."

"We were in looooooove," Dan chuckled.

"Ew, don't say it like that!" Blair ordered in disgust.

"Sometimes, when we walked in the park, I'd pluck flowers for her."

"Puke."

"And then she'd put one in her hair."

"Making me SICK."

"And then we'd go to the ice salon and feed each other and kiss the whipped cream off each other's lips."

"SHUT UP."

x

"I'm going to bed," Blair said drowsily. Together with Dan, she had not only seen Ben Hur, but also Smalville and Supernatural. It wasn't her cup of tea but the guys were kind of hot so it hadn't been that much of a hassle. "What are you going to do?" she asked.

"It's late."

"It is," she confirmed. "I cannot believe I'm suggesting this but you could sleep in the spare room."

"That'd be nice."

She nodded. "Come with me."

He turned off the television and followed her upstairs. She showed him his room and then disappeared in the bathroom to get ready to sleep. When she had left it, Dan entered and noticed the little kit she had left behind for him which consisted of a little toothbrush and toothpaste. It was a hotel kit from the Four Seasons. Then he looked to his side, where he saw a men's pajamas, which he assumed was her dad Harold's. It was red-with-black stripes and simply foul. He put it on anyways and went to the room Blair had told he should sleep in.

When he passed Blair's room, he heard her calling his name. He walked in and went to sit on the rim of her bed. "Is there something?" He looked down at her, wondering where her insecurities derived from. Her looks? But she was absolutely gorgeous; even know as she lay in her bed after a rough day. He wanted to tell her but wasn't sure it'd come across right.

"What you saw today…" she began.

"Is not something you're obliged to tell me, unless you want."

She sighed inaudibly; relieved she knew he wasn't going to push. This was something she knew she had to handle, and she would but not now. It had been a long day and all she wanted to do was sleep.

"And you know," he continued. "What I said to you the other day… Forget about it. I was stupid and I didn't know any better. I take full blame for everything."

"You don't have t-"

"Yes I do."

They locked eyes until she batted hers down.

After a couple of seconds, Dan stood up and walked away from her bed. "By the way, those pajamas look so _fly_ on you, Humphrey," Blair giggled, breaking the heavy atmosphere.

"And that nightgown looks so freaking hot on you," he told her cheek-in-tongue as he was opening the door. "And you know, Waldorf, I might look like a dork, but I get urges at night. Sexual urges."

She threw her blanket off her and rolled out of bed at once. "Out!" she ordered and pushed him in the hall. "I'll be locking my door, pervert."

"Relax; you wouldn't be able to handle me anyways."

"I had Chuck."

"I had Serena."

At this, she didn't know immediately what to say. Serena was indeed probably as experienced as Chuck. "Well, I wouldn't _want_ to handle you anyways," she then retorted and with that, she closed her door.

Though she wouldn't admit it, she was happy he was here. It was nice to have someone close who cared, even if that didn't necessarily mean that person liked her. "Sleep tight, Waldorf," she heard through her door and couldn't help but smile.

"Sleep tight, Humphrey."

x

The next morning she woke up to the smell of coffee and pancakes. "Dorota?" she asked suspiciously. "I thought you were still in Mich- Humphrey?" she said his name in total confusion. "You can cook?"

"Why wouldn't I be able to?"

"You're seventeen."

"And?"

"I can't even boil water."

"Well, us poor kids have to learn to handle a pan at young age," he said in a Southern accent. "Unlike y'all rich folks."

She rose her eyes to the ceiling. "Is this were we're going to get judgmental again? Because if so, you should know I'll be ignoring you."

"I wouldn't dare." He looked over his shoulder and smiled at her goofily. To be honest, he didn't know if making her breakfast was such a good idea; he didn't know how to handle someone with bulimia but he figured that no matter what, they had to eat too. However, he'd definitely stay with her to see if she wouldn't go overboard.

"Pancakes for the…" He didn't finish his sentence. He didn't want to be mean to Blair right now but saying she's a lady would be taking it one step too far.

She gave him a dirty look and snatched the plate out of his hands. "LADY."

"If you say so."

Semi-offended, she scrunched her nose at him and began to eat her pancakes. She made sure she took normal bites and Dan made sure it wasn't too obvious he was paying attention to her eating habits. "This is kind of good," Blair admitted.

Dan acted like he was in a state of shock. "Did… Did Blair Waldorf just give me a compliment?"

"Hardly," she deadpanned.

He shook his head. "This is a historical moment."

"Oh, shut your mouth."

"I-" he intended to keep teasing her but she rose from her seat, dangerously swirling her fork at him.

"I still hate you, you know."

"Really? Because-"

She put her fork on the table and shook him by the shoulders. "I said I still h-"

"Wait, wait…"

"What?"

"Stop trying to kiss me, Blair."

She yelled frustrated and plumped herself down on her chair again. "And we still don't know each other in school either."

"Of course not."

Then locked eyes only briefly and smile faintly.

Then, for about ten minutes, there was an absolute silence. Neither of them wanted to admit, but there had something taken place between them in the past twelve hours. They were not just Dan and Blair, arch enemies who avoided each other like the plague anymore, although they'd act like they still were. For their own sake and –to be honest- mental health. Admitting to themselves they could be friends would be wrong on so many levels.

After breakfast, Dan cleaned the table and they both got ready for school. Just as they were about to leave, Blair decided she wanted to change her shoes for the thousandth time. She ran back upstairs but suddenly stopped halfway the stairs and gathered her courage, playing with her hands nervously. "Humphrey?"

Dan looked up at her. "Yes?"

"Thank you," she said, and then continued her run even faster.

He smiled faintly. "You're welcome, Waldorf."

* * *

Tell me what you think!


	3. Bedazzled

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! It's nice to see people appreciate your work so… Let's get it to 30 after this (Joking! Sort of…). :)

Important: this chapter is M-rated so if you don't like don't read. Otherwise, enjoy!

* * *

3. Bedazzled

It was November 6. The fall was in full swing, Obama had just been elected president, the lessons were accelerating towards the exams, and Blair Waldorf and Dan Humphrey had succeeded remarkably well in ignoring each other for over two weeks now. The fact that Dan had discovered about her disease hadn't changed much publicly, as everything had gone back to normal within hours after the events.

Currently Dan was being his loner self, sitting at one of the lunch tables by himself with a bundle of Alexander Pope poems. Truth be told, he had been feeling increasingly depressed lately: his hope of getting back together with Serena was lessening as she and Aaron grew closer with each day. That was at the same time the reason he had been distancing himself a bit from her lately…

Serena was Serena. With Blair, you couldn't read from her face when she was happy, or sad or hopeful, if she was having her period or liked a boy; she kept it all inside. Serena was the opposite and had no problem with showing the world how she felt about… _anything_, so also not about her boyfriend. Not even in front of her ex and it was no secret Dan still loved Serena so he could definitely do without her professions of love to Aaron.

Having read his eleventh poem of the lunch, Dan looked up from the book, his eye falling on a frumpy-looking girl, Jade, who sat by herself with red-cried eyes. His breath briefly staggered in his throat seeing her. He didn't know she'd be back so soon: a week ago her mother had committed suicide, not by putting a sword in her stomach like the ancient Roman but in an equally primitive manner, she had hung herself in her kitchen. Rumor has it Jade found her dangling from a rope that was tied to one of the wooden beams there.

Worst of all was that she never had gad much friends, and the ones she did have didn't even do as much as look at her now. They didn't care, or were too afraid to do so because like Dan himself, she was the type you were ashamed to be seen with: she wore clothes that didn't come from a famous designer, she wasn't a part of the elite and if that wasn't enough, she wasn't all that pretty either, just very plain. Her mother killing herself was yet another reason not to like her: she had a dysfunctional home so she must be out of her mind herself.

Dan didn't really know what came over him when he rose from his seat and walked over to her. "Hey," he greeted the brown-eyed girl. "Do you mind?" he asked pointing to the seat next to her.

She seemed surprised. "No…I… Sit down."

He smiled sympathetically and did as she suggested. "So Mr. Brown… What a bore, right?" he tried to start a light conversation.

"Totally," she nodded.

As Dan was responding to her, two of Blair's minions –Elise and Hazel- passed. "How cute," Elise said with a grin. "Two of Constance's biggest losers bonding."

"What do you want?" Dan asked non-interested.

"Not you," Hazel replied. "Kind of like your mom, right? Didn't she leave you guys for the milkman?"

Elise chuckled. "And hers couldn't even take it with her anymore." They began to laugh and we're planning to leave on that note when Dan grabbed Elise's arm firmly.

"Ouch, let me go you freak," Hazel whined.

"Apologize," he said in a threatening voice as Jade looked on, her eyes popping.

"Or wh-?"

"Apologize!" Dan yelled.

"What's going on here?" Blair's voice suddenly sounded.

"He's molesting her!" Elise said dramatically.

"Your _friend_ was being inappropriate and disrespectful to Jade," he told her as Hazel pulled her arm loose. "About her mother."

For a mere second, Blair looked shocked and disgusted but then regained her steal face. "And we should care about her… Why?" she further asked chuckling. "Come on, Elise. Hazel. Let's not waste our time with these failures. We wouldn't want it to …rub off on us."

Elise and Hazel began walking further but just as Blair was about to too, Dan simply said: "I had expected more from you, Waldorf." He paused. "I'm disappointed."

She shrugged seemingly unfazed. "Why should I give a rat's ass about what _you_ think of _me_?"

After a moment of silence, he softly shook his head. Half in disbelief, half expecting this. "You're right. You shouldn't. You have absolutely no reason." He turned away from her. "Bye Blair."

Jade briefly made eye contact with Blair before the girl –scared that the 'Queen B' might give her a snappy remark for this- quickly broke it again. Blair couldn't deny it tugged her heart. She didn't want it too and she had no interest whatsoever in this girl…. But you'd have to be quite monstrous to not care when you manage to make a girl who hit rock bottom because of what must be the biggest tragedy of her life, even unhappier. Blair briefly furrowed her brows. "I am-"

"Blair?" Elise called her name urging. "Are you coming?"

She stared Dan in the eyes and was shocked at the contempt and disgust in them, especially after what he had seen from her, after finding out she wasn't just shallowness in carnation. Knowing that someone who knew her like he did now could still look at her in that way shook her deeply. On the other hand, she felt surprised he had expected more from her. He, Dan Humphrey, had expected more from her, Blair Waldorf, than cruelty.

"Go on, Waldorf. Your… _friend_ is calling you."

She looked at him for another couple of seconds and then turned her head, walking along with her servants. After Dan had left her house that morning and a couple of hours later Dorota had come back, together with the feeling she had somebody to love her unconditionally, she had quite successfully kept her urge to pig out and then get rid of her stomach content, under control. Today, however, for the first time since that Tuesday, she felt that control slipping away and could only pray that her will power wouldn't be broken between this and the hour she'd go to bed.

x

A bit after four, Dan exited the school and walked to the closest coffee bar to get his favorite cappuccino. Five minutes later, he walked away with a cardboard cup in his hand and decided to take a stroll along the East River to clear his head. At a certain point he stopped his tread and leaned over the iron bar separating the pavement from the river. As he did so, he reflected a bit on his life, which had been quite hectic lately with Serena, Jenny, Yale and now Blair; he felt like he was losing control and didn't know how to gain it back. It was like he kept falling short as a boyfriend, brother and simply as a person.

"Humphrey," he suddenly heard.

He looked over his shoulder and saw Blair standing behind him. Her Fendi bag was dangling from her arm as she looked at him with her doe-eyed yet emotionless face.

"Go away, Blair," he deadpanned. "I know this is your territory and that I should spread my poverty-, failure- and loser bacteria in Brooklyn, OK? I got the message by now."

"-"

"Great," he cut her off. "Now that we've got that out of the way, you can go. I'm not in the mood."

"But I-"

"I said I'm not interested!" With his elbows still leaning on the bar, he briefly raised his hand.

She took a few steps forward aggravated. She probably wouldn't do this if she hadn't accidentally seen him, but now that she had, she wanted to tell him she didn't agree with Hazel and Elise. For some unexplainable reason she wanted him to know she wasn't a monster. Just that, of course, nothing more. "Don't judge me on my friends, you…judgmental judger!"

He let out a mirth laugh. "Learn to choose your battles. I have every right to judge here."

"-"

"Cancel my subscription, Waldorf. I'm OVER your issues."

"Humphrey!" she groaned loudly. She wasn't used to being interrupted every five seconds, and especially not by someone she considered beneath her.

"No, you know what, Blair? I want you to leave me alone. Just completely. I won't talk more profoundly about this because I know your life isn't the easiest but… I really don't like you, and you manage to make me feel like shit time and time again. You manage to make everyone-"

"I feel sorry for that girl too!" she yelled.

He lifted his eyes to the sky and bit his bottom lip incredulously.

"I did!" she enforced her statement. "But how can I show it? Why should I show it? To make you happy?" she questioned. "No, thanks."

"How-" He shook his head in disbelief. "No…" Dan then told himself.

"What?"

"I'm not bothering with you."

She curled her hands to fists. The feeling coursing through her veins now was similar to what she felt with Serena at the Yale party. It was a sense of powerlessness and despair. "I'm Blair!" she cried, as if that'd make any difference. "I'm Blair Waldorf and you're just Dan Humphrey."

"Oh…" Dan nodded without looking at her. "And I'm one of the many who's beneath you right? I can't imagine how low you must think of the human race to think so many of it aren't worthy of you."

This was too much for Blair: too many insults and too sharp. She wished he wasn't a writer so that he wouldn't be able to come up with these kinds of things, so that it'd be easier for _her_ to drill _him_ into the ground with putdowns. He was pretty much her equal when it came to that and she couldn't stand it. She was boiling with frustration.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Dan felt a sharp pain and almost fell forward, in the river. He turned around at once, in great disbelief. "Did you… Just kick me in the ass?" he asked angered.

Blair looked down at her feet ashamed, but couldn't suppress a smile.

"I cannot believe you kicked me in the ass!!"

She looked back up. "Well… You deserved it! You didn't even hear me out!"

"Because I DON'T WANT TO!" he yelled.

"I KNOW."

Then they fell into a silence.

"Why did you come up to me, Blair?" Dan finally asked.

Blair looked away. "Chuck is sleeping around again and I'm feeling, y-"

"Oh…Oh…" he let out in a sigh. "Not this again."

"Fine, whatever," she said in staccato. Tears were forming in her eyes, she just couldn't help it: her feelings for Chuck were still strong and the fact that he got sexually aroused by other girls again squeezed her heart.

As she turned around, Dan couldn't suppress his compassion any longer. "No. Blair…" he stopped her, taking her hand.

"What?" she asked.

"Why don't you…" he began, but had trouble getting the words over his lips. "Tell me about Chuck?"

"You don't care."

"For some reason, I do. Just a tiny bit though."

She nodded. "OK." It's not that she wanted to share all her problems with Dan, but ever since she had cut herself loose from Serena, she didn't have anyone to talk to anymore and bottling everything up was beginning to way heavy on her. That wasn't the only reason she was telling Dan, a voice inside of her was also saying she could trust him not to tell a thing. Dan soothed her. God knows he had a billion flaws, but the goodness inside of him negated the reasons not to confide in him.

"I need to be heading back to Brooklyn though. I promised my dad to be back home as soon as possible, every day. You never know Jenny might call." He smiled softly but then visibly struggling with his emotions, broke eye contact with Blair.

"She's still not home?"

"No," Dan responded frowning. "And my dad, he's never home now. He's always looking for her and then crashing somewhere with a friend or in a cheap motel when he again hasn't found her after a night of searching."

"That's… fucked up."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

She lifted her arm hesitantly and then softly placed her hand on his shoulder. Dan slowly turned his head almost in shock and Blair quickly pulled back. "I'm hailing a cab."

"You do that," he quickly responded.

"OK."

"OK."

x

"Here you are." Dan handed her a cup of coffee.

"I hope you ground the beans yourself," she said, smiling faintly.

Dan acted like he was perplexed. "Did Blair Waldorf just make a joke?"

"I can be funny," Blair replied raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, you do come across as a real jokester."

Her face suddenly grew serious. "Dan, I do mean it about that girl. I mean, no, I don't like her and yes, she could use an extreme make-over but no one deserves what happened to her. I… Don't know what's wrong with Elise and Hazel."

"They're following your example, Blair."

"I would never make fun of something like that!"

"You made fun of the Serena and Pete situation."

"Serena takes everything from me!" she cried. "Do you still not get it? We've been OVER this, twice! Don't you listen to me? Am I talking to a fucking wall?"

Dan buried his face in his hands. "You're too intense for me, Waldorf."

She moved from her seat to sit next to him in the couch. "And don't you feel it yourself?"

"What… are you talking about?"

"All the times you judged her… When you do it with me, you mean it but when you do it with her… You just felt less, didn't you? You wanted to be more like her to have more security in your relationship."

"Look, I loved Serena, I still do. I'm not going to talk trash about her."

"I'm not asking you too!"

"Then what?"

"I'm asking you to GET me."

"Like Chuck?"

"Well…Yes!"

"I'm not Chuck," Dan replied. "I'm Dan. You don't like me, I don't like you, and we're nothing like each other," he reminded her. "The only reason we're in … this situation is because we chase everyone away who loves us."

"Doesn't matter; you can't tell me you don't feel inferior."

"OK, maybe I do, Blair."

"-"

"Because of people like you. Not because of Serena."

"You're not perfect yourself," she said with a look of contempt.

"And you make that very clear each time you see me."

"You do the same with me."

He sighed. "This is leading nowhere, as many of our discussions do. I'm going to watch some TV."

She looked away. "Well, can I still stay?"

"WHY?" he asked loud and annoyed.

"BECAUSE MY MOM ISN'T HOME AGAIN," she responded equally loud and annoyed.

He rolled his eyes. "Dorota?"

"She reads the bible to me ever since she found the pill in my nightstand."

"Blair… One, I did not need to know that and two, you can use a goddamn bible."

"….Please?"

He raised his eyes and hands to the sky. "Why, God, why?"

"Look," she then began firmly. "A Humphrey is not going to make me beg so you better give in now or I shall be scorned. And there's nothing like-"

"OK!" Dan leaned back feeling mentally tired: this girl _exhausted_ him. "Jesus Christ."

"No, thank you."

He looked to his side as Blair grabbed the remote out of his hands. "What the hell, Blair? I was going to watch Robot Wars!"

"You watched TV at my house," she remembered him. "Now it's my turn."

"But-"

"And what's for dinner?"

x

"You know that film got lousy reviews," Dan pointed out for the twentieth time. It was completely dark by now, except for the dimmed light in the room, and they were completely buried under a red fleece on the couch.

"It has a shirtless Leonardo DiCaprio, that's enough for me."

"-"

"Can you shut your trap for five minutes, please? You're ruining the perfection of a shirtless Leo."

Dan gave her an offended look before doing as she asked. Five minutes later, Tilda Swinton and Leonardo DiCaprio were doing it in a tent. Though you could only see their silhouettes moving it was a very steamy scene and it made Dan feel extremely uncomfortable. Blair on the other hand was melting. "My itch…" she pouted.

Dan turned his head at her. "Still?"

"Still," she nodded.

"Do you never…"

"All the time," she responded. "Actually so much just thinking about normal sex isn't enough," she admitted. "I…actually sometimes imagine I'm tied to a tree by some kind of gangster," she told him. "I'm blindfolded and he just leaves me there, tied up, for a while…" She shortly paused. "…And then suddenly he comes back and you know... Takes me."

Dan gazed at her shocked. "And you… don't know him?"

"No, he's a stranger…" She paused. "I've never told this to anyone before." She stared in his eyes sternly. "If you ever open your mouth about this, I will kill...What?" She scanned Dan's face confused when he suddenly bowed over her and kissed her like someone who hadn't had sex in quite a while. Like her. She tried to resist at first but soon, she opened her mouth slightly, allowing him to slip his tongue in to stroke hers. In return he pulled her closer and deepened the kiss, making her moan as he did so.

It was different from Chuck. Dan felt straighter to the point whereas Chuck saw things more gradually. When they had sex, he had had enough already. Enough girls. Enough patience. He hadn't immediately wanted to rip her clothes. Dan, she felt, did need that now. To pull a girl's clothes off and do her.

When they finally broke apart he gazed at her like a deer in headlights. "Huh… I-I-I… Don't… You…Fantasy… What-"

"Stop stuttering," she breathed. "It's not hot." She pulled his face down to crash his lips against her mouth.

"We can't," he argued. "You love Chuck… I love Serena… We hate each other."

"I don't care." She sat up and quickly removed her top and skirt, leaving her in her red-laced underwear. "I'm so itchy," she said in a voice of desperation.

All rationality fled Dan's brain as she crawled on top of him. He wrapped his arm around her upper body and moved so that she was straddling his waist. Then he just stared up at her for a couple of seconds, doing absolutely nothing.

Blair looked away, feeling incredibly self-conscious. He had had Serena. Was he comparing her body to hers, she couldn't help but wonder. Out of fear of being rejected, Blair tried to pull away from his grip. He noticed and even in this position couldn't help but be puzzled by her. She made his brain work so hard to understand her and even then, it sometimes didn't manage. 'Blair', he then just whispered almost inaudibly. It was simple, but it did what it had to do: she relaxed.

She smiled softly. "Get on with it."

He pulled her face to his and kissed her again as his hand reached behind and undid her bra. "God, Blair…" were the only words leaving his lips as he now moved his mouth to her neck, softly kissing her skin. She closed her eyes and grabbed his head as she pushed his face deeper into her nape, moaning when he found that sensitive spot behind her ear and sucked it without hesitation.

"Dan…" she then sighed and suddenly pulled his face back. "Take your clothes off."

He did as she asked. She looked up at him, her mouth slightly open in awe. His body was to die for. Though Chuck was her perfect match and Nate she had once seen as the love of her life, neither of them was built the way Dan was: broad chest, firm shoulders and muscled arms. He was the most athletically built guy she'd be with. It made her even hornier than she already was, and she wanted him to lick her up and down this very moment.

He slightly grinned at her. It was true he couldn't quite read Blair like Chuck could and she was one hell of a learning process from him –literally and figuratively- but that look was pretty damn obvious. Blair Waldorf was impressed with his physique. Without waiting further, he laid her down. Covering her body with his, he pressed his lips against her neck before slowly making his way down from her neck to her breasts, kissing and sucking her nipples as her moans and sighs grew louder. Without letting his lips leave her chest, he slid his hand down into her panties.

"Please…" she whined when he didn't immediately touch her the way she wanted it.

"What do you want, Waldorf?"

She impatiently bucked herself against his hand. Feeling her wetness he groaned himself and connected their lips again. If he hadn't been hard already, he was now. Finally giving her what she wanted, he slid two fingers inside of her and used his thumb to massage her clit. She writhed beneath him, taken over by pure lust.

Suddenly Dan removed his hand, only replace his fingers with his tongue. Briefly looking up at her, he saw a flicker of surprise in her eyes, despite the fact that her pupils were very wide. "This is wrong on so many levels… Let's at least make it worth it," he said before delving his tongue inside of her again.

Blair felt herself drowning in pleasure. It had been so fucking long since she had been touched like this and she couldn't get enough. Dan tried to keep her hips as still as possible as he continued to give her body exactly what it needed.

"Again," she suddenly breathed.

He repeated what he had done and now circled her clit with his tongue over and over, thrusting his fingers inside of her at a quick pace. Suddenly her body completely tensed up as she flew over the edge, screaming as she did so. She breathed in and out deeply as Dan's face reappeared to her again. "Now I understand why Serena put up with you so long," she said in a blissful voice.

"You've never had less right to insult me," he whispered in her ear. "My fingers are almost broken."

She grinned widely. "You're so arrog-" But her grin was wiped of her face at once when he entered her, filling her like she had wanted for months now. For a second, it hurt. After all it had been five months now since she had been with someone and Dan was definitely the most…_endowed_ guy she had had up until now.

"Are you OK?" he asked her in a whisper.

"Just give me a minute."

"Blair…" He kissed her neck, her collarbone, her chest as she adjusted to him, and then began to move slowly.

"God…" she breathed.

Her eyes almost rolled in the back of her head as their hips began to meet each other more intensely with each thrust. Suddenly he flipped them over so that she was on top. She leaned back and let all her sexual frustration loose on him, riding him hard. She didn't even know she could go so fast. Knowing that it wouldn't take much longer like this, Dan sat up and took her with him, lowering his mouth to her breasts, kissing them passionately. "I'm almost there…" she said.

He reached his hand between them and began circling her clit at the same pace of their movements together. Only seconds later, Blair came for the second time that night, and hard. She wrapped her arms and legs tightly around him and leaned her head in his neck as she completely fell apart, her body shaking in pleasure. His body in return shivered in ecstasy as he came inside of her.

Then she just rolled off him and spread her arms wide with a big smile on her face. "Scratched," she let out pleased as her breathing recovered.

Dan, in the meanwhile, just kept staring at the ceiling, looking like he had just fucked the devil and his body would dissolve any minute now. Blair stared up at him amused. "There's no going back now…" she whispered between her teeth.

He looked at his side with bug-eyes as _she_ burst out into laugher. "B-B-Blair," he stuttered. "This isn't funny."

"It certainly wasn't," she confirmed happily. "Who would've thought?"

"Djee, thanks…"

"We should do it again," she ignored his offended voice.

"WHAT?"

"I mean it. We're both single, we're both miserable… The sex isn't…"

"What about Serena?"

"She's probably banging Aaron right now, Humphrey," she said bluntly and without giving a rat's ass how he'd feel with this statement. "And you two are broken up."

"-"

"You're just one of the many for her, when will you get that?" she asked. "I've known her forever and with each boyfriend she thinks he's the One. With you she did too. Now she does with Aaron. She's not me or the other way around and you're not Nate. There are basically no emotions involved here."

"You just want to be scratched," he said pointing at her. "Upper East Side Princess, my ass. You're a cruel nymphomaniac!"

"Like you were doing it against your will; I saw your little horny eyes, _lonely boy."_

"I do not have little horny eyes."

"You did when your head was between my legs."

"Oh my God…" he palmed his face embarrassed.

"God has nothing to do with this Humphrey," she smiled and let her hand slide down his abdomen, between his legs and cupped him. "And you really have nothing to be ashamed of."

He grabbed her hand and put it on her own body. "Down, girl." Instead, Blair quickly wrapped on of her legs around him, pushing her body against his. "How can you so openly talk about sex?" he asked non-understanding.

"Why can't you? Normally boys are experts at talking dirty," she told him as she now firmly wrapped her hand around his chin and pulled it her way. "You, Humphrey, are a freak."

"So what?" he asked trying his very best to not look completely aroused by this naked girl pressed against him, though his body wasn't following his brain. "You want to keep doing this?"

She grabbed his head once again, this time with both hands and looked him in the eyes. "It'd be brilliant. I love sex. However, I can't be in a normal relationship, which has been made clear to me many times." She paused. "Here's where the brilliant part comes in: I cannot stand you but in bed you're totally different from… the _you _that makes me want to kill a bitch. It's satisfying."

"…"

"You don't like me either, do you?"

He furrowed his brows.

"Say what you think of me."

"I don't wish you any of the problems you have, but at the end of the day, you're still a bitch and I'll still remember all those times you put me down," he told her. "The main emotions you evoke with me are annoyance and anger."

"So…" she concluded. "There's no danger of falling in love. We just have sex and that's it." She paused. "I'm going to the bathroom and when I come back…"

"…?" Dan couldn't believe what had just happened and what she was proposing. It left him in shock. With his eyes fixated on the ceiling, he thought about her words.

"So…?" he then heard.

The view of the ceiling was replaced with Blair. As he looked up at her naked body, the positive sides of this possible deals outweighed the negative ones by a mile. "OK," he agreed, though it did feel a bit like a pact with Lucifer. "We have a deal. But one no one can ever know of. Especially not Serena."

"Or Chuck," Blair said in an agreeing tone.

"OK."

Blair, who had in the meanwhile noticed he was ready for another round, decided to literally jump on him. "And…ACTION!" she yelled as she landed on his waist, straddling him.

Dan gasped completely taken aback. "Action?" he squeezed out his throat. "You can't jump on a guy, yell 'action' and expect him to think that's sexy." He looked between his legs. "Look, you made it sad."

Blair crawled off him and pouted. "I'll fix it."

"Blair…" he gasped when she went to work on him. Within seconds he had forgotten all about her acrobatic moves. As about twenty minutes later, they were both panting next to each other again, Dan couldn't help but think that maybe a pact with the devil didn't always have to be a bad thing. Especially not when it felt like this.

Suddenly he looked at his side, at Blair and smiled a tad goofily.

She frowned. "What…Again?"

He nodded. "Again."

* * *

xxxxxx

Tell me what you think!


	4. Keeping up Appearances

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews! I love getting them so by all means, continue giving them. ;)

By the way, I'm someone who'd rather write eight long chapters instead of twenty short ones like I've done in the past and whill do with this story too. This chapter will probably be my longest one as it is 7000+ words; just saying this as a warning, in case you guys you can't concentrate long (joking!).

Anyway, enjoy it!

* * *

4. Keeping up Appearances

The sunlight broke through all the cracks, slits and windows of the Humphrey house, lighting up the dust, which almost made it seem like the room was sparkling. Dan furrowed his brows and scrunched his nose, not appreciative at all of the simple beauty of morning. He let out a single yet long yawn as he stretched his arms, upon which he heard a complaining sound beneath him.

Blair.

They had been sleeping together for about a week and a half now. When their parents were too busy finding their rebellious child or trying to reach a deadline, they'd also sleep in each other's bed. Dan looked down at her and pushed a lock of hair out of her face.

Their relationship was dysfunctional at best and unhealthy at worst. Hate, envy and lust are what he felt for her. She knew the latter emotion was the sole reason he let her stay in his house, sleep in his bed and insult him. She was the opposite of Serena, and so he treated her as such. Blair, too, didn't quite see a Chuck or even Nate in him. He didn't or couldn't play mind games and on top of that, she didn't love him. She was using him, just like she knew he was using her.

He placed a kiss on the side of her neck and scooted a little closer before continuing to shower her nape with kisses until he stopped where he knew it'd affect her most. He watched as she slightly opened her mouth in pleasure yet forcing herself not to make a noise. The one thing Blair Waldorf hadn't held into account when she had made her deal was that she'd be having sex with Dan Humphrey. The feelings of disdain she bore for him had not faded and so she consciously punished him for being who he was sometimes by not acknowledging the sensations he gave her body.

Dan abruptly turned her around so that she lay flat on her back and trapped her underneath him. Blair gasped and furrowed her brows at him. He didn't care but just covered her mouth with his. He kissed her hard and thoroughly, with a confidence that surprised Blair a week ago, but didn't anymore now. When he stopped and looked in her eyes almost challenging her, she pulled his lips back against hers roughly and bit his lip harder than was needed to gain entrance to his mouth. He disconnected their mouths, touching his lip and looked shocked at the drop of blood on his finger. Blair just stared up at him with an almost menacing glance in her eyes.

Dan knew why she did it. He treated her less than tenderly, both emotionally and sexually. Sometimes, out of nowhere he'd sneak in a bite as he kissed her neck, just to have her scream and she couldn't count the times she had been slammed up against a wall this week on one hand anymore. The anger and contempt in her eyes after would make him look down self-consciously in real life but not when they were in a position like this.

She was even worse. Chuck had once told Blair that if she wanted it rough, all she had to do was ask. Sex with Chuck was amazing, mind-blowing, and ravaging but despite his dominance in bed he still had never… bitten her. In return, she had never oh-so considerately dug her nails deeply in his back before letting them run down 'till it had scratches everywhere and even some drops of blood like now.

Monday Dan's back looked attacked by a wild cat. Wednesday Blair had to wear five extra layers of Dior foundation and a turtleneck. Thursday her back ached from them doing it against a wall.

The struggle to be in control with Chuck was different from the one she had with Dan. At the end of the day, Chuck and Blair got each other and their world. Dan and Blair still didn't and it was as if each time they had sex or argued where to have sex, they were trying to convince each other of something. Other times they were trying to make the other feel weak: they had quickly discovered each other's sensitive spots and weren't hesitant to use them when the time called for it.

Dan narrowed his eyes to splits and crawled off her, but only to take her underwear and his own off. Moving so that he was right between her legs, he covered her mouth with his again. Connecting their bodies swiftly, Blair tore her lips away from his. Her head fell back as she gasped at the second of pain, which was quickly replaced by the surprising, unique and intense sensation having sex with him never ceased to be. It was a clash of two completely different environments and personalities and at this moment still the only reason they tolerated each other's presence.

"Dan…" Blair whined. She would never say 'kiss me' though it was something that went hand in hand with sex for her, she wanted it and luckily for her, Dan knew exactly what she wanted just from the way she'd say his name. He bowed over and pressed his lips to hers.

"Dan?" suddenly came a voice from the living room.

They froze and gazed to the direction of the door.

"Vanessa!" Blair breathed displeased. "What is she doing here? You and your stupid troll friends."

Dan rolled off her. "This is not good… Huh, hide, under the bed!" he whispered, yet firmly. "Quickly."

"I'm-"

"You're hiding under the bed! Now."

"I'm naked, you dumbass!"

"Goooooooo!"

"Dan, hello?"

Her head peeked out from behind the corner. "Oh, my God!" She immediately looked away as she saw him standing naked, with rosy cheeks.

"I wasn't expecting you!"

"Damn, Dan!" she cried disgusted. "I thought you could use some company with your dad hardly being home and Jenny… You know. But obviously you have enough pleasure… Pleasuring yourself. Just… Ew. Ew, ew, ew, ewwwww."

"I was not…" He put on boxers and a shirt and stepped into the living room.

Vanessa hardly dared to look at him. "Gross," she let out.

"Vanessa!"

"No, Dan, see you tomorrow. Because I won't be able to look at you without …Huh…" She waved her hands up and down a couple of times in a fast tempo, as if that'd quickly wipe what she had just seen away. "Bye."

Blair crawled from under the bed and rolled her eyes.

"Talk about a mood killer."

x

There'd had been no possibility of relaxing today. Not only did his father ring him twice with the message that he may be on to Jenny for real this time, but Dan had also been forced to replace Allen in the Hamlet play Constance would perform as he was out with mono. He had begged not to have to do it, but in vain: his English teacher had more or less forced him too, saying that the only way to know Shakespeare even better than he already does, is actually playing one of his characters and getting in the psyche fully. His only solace was that the female lead was Julie Senden, a pretty redhead.

Right now though, he was letting all the worries the day brings with, off him as he let his bath run full off water. Lately he had subconsciously started to develop a habit of taking long baths, sometimes he over an hour because the bathroom seemed the only place he had peace. It was the one place where he didn't constantly have to wonder if Jenny was OK and how things would go in his future.

He had just taken his clothes off and was ready to put his foot in the water when he heard an impatient knocking. _Great_, he thought. Deeply sighing, he wrapped a towel around his body and walked to the door. Opening it, a nervous Blair appeared.

"Why are you naked?" she asked confused.

"It might come as a surprise to you, but sometimes people bathe."

"Whatever," she ignored him. "I'm in a crisis."

"Blair… An "I'll-die-in-less-than-24-hours", a "Dan-one-more-sex-mark-and-I'll-mark-your-date-of-death", or an "oh-no-I-broke-my-nail one"? If it's one of the two latter or both, I don't want to hear it."

"It's serious!" she cried. "My mother has a new boyfriend! Cyrus; he's above and beyond ugly, and short like one of the Seven Dwarfs. I hate him!"

"OK…" Dan paused. "That's classified under 'oh-no-I-broke-my-nail'."

"B-"

"I'll be in the bath. And you'll be a good girl and go to Sylar."

"Cyrus."

"Whatever!"

"I'm not going; I need to talk about it."

"BLAIR…." He groaned loudly. "You have to become friends with Serena again. I… can't take it anymore. You said just sex but you've been yapping to me non-stop for the past week," he said sternly. "Enough is enough!"

With that he stepped back into the bathroom, closed the door and finally went to sit in the tub. He added some hot water and then began reading his book.

"Humphrey!" sounded Blair's displeased voice. "How dare you? I'm basically a slave for you." She knocked his door. "Do you hear me? I've had more sex this week than I've ever had in my life and you can't listen to my problems for five minutes?"

"GO AWAY." He looked to the ceiling and whispered: "I'm begging you, God-"

She opened his door and undressed herself.

"What are you doing?"

"This is the only way I can _obviously_ get your attention."

He started mumbling in himself annoyed. Sex with her was great, if not to say the best he ever had, but she was very demanding. In every possible way. She was not by any means following the rules she had set herself. Every little thing that happened in her life and what she'd normally tell Serena was now something she felt _he_ needed to know, from Hazel's bad haircut to this new development in her mother's love life.

"What are you saying there?" Blair asked with her hands in her sides, looking down at him.

"Nothing Blair; I was just thinking how any link between your and my reality and-or logic is completely coincidental."

"Glad we agree on something," she said snottily. "Now move."

"But …"

"Dan!"

He put himself a little straighter and she went to sit in front of him. When they were in a comfortable position she handed him the shampoo. "Wash my hair."

"Can't you do it yourself?"

"No, I can hardly move," she complained rolling her eyes and wiggling ostensibly. "This thing is like a bucket compared to what I have at home."

Dan stared into nothing for a second, in disbelief. She leaned her head back and looked up at him. "Earth to Humphrey!"

Still speechless, he took the hard-plastic cup standing at the side of the tub and poured it over her head. Blair looked back in front of her pleased. "So like I said, his name is Cyrus.".

"Yes, tell me what he has done to poor, helpless Blair Waldorf. Maybe the dwarf has… come on to Snow White?"

"Ew….Humphrey, gross!" She looked up at him once more, her eyes betraying shock and disgust at the suggestion that her mother's ugly tiny boyfriend had laid a hand on her. "No, it's b-"

"No shallow reasons," he ordered staring down in her eyes. "Because I won't listen."

She sighed and looked back in front of her. "He's nothing like my dad," she then revealed the real reason of her disapproving attitude towards him.

He took a bit of Jenny's rose-scented shampoo and rubbed it in her hair, looking concentrated while doing so. He hadn't had to wash another person's hair before and if he ever had, it was when he and Jenny still took baths together when she was two and he four.

"… and I miss my dad." She paused. "Do you miss your mom?"

"Huh… Yeah." He nodded. "But we don't really bother to see each other anymore, you know? I'd feel like I was being disloyal to my dad if I did go to visit her; it just wouldn't feel right."

"Because she cheated?"

"Yes…She… Uhm… What she did represents the end of an era. Jenny… Well and me…I didn't always used to be so judgmental."

"Oh, please. You probably gave people a judging stare as a baby when they didn't hold you right."

"OK, so I have always been like that," he admitted. "But it was never paired with such disappointment."

"Disappointment? In people?"

"Yeah."

"…My dad cheated on my mom too."

"You hate him for it?"

"No," she said quickly. "He couldn't help it, Dan. He's gay…" she chuckled bitterly. "You know, if he had cheated with a woman, it… I mean, that would've been OK. Sort of. You can recover from that, I think. But he fell in love with a man. What could she do?" She shrugged. "What could my mom _possibly_ do about that? She had lost before there was even a battle."

"You mean you had lost before there was even a battle."

"That's not fair!" she protested. "I love my mother; I want her to be happy!"

"Well, chances are that despite being nothing like you or even your mom had imagined, Cyrus makes her happy." His voice sounded deep and soft and calmed her to the point that she considered the possibility that life with Cyrus might not be the hell she thought it would be. "What does your mom say about you always being here by the way?" Dan then asked her.

"Well, obviously I don't say I'm here," she responded glancing down. "She just thinks I'm having a lot of sleepovers with Serena."

"Speaking of Serena-"

"NO."

"YES."

"What about her then?"

"Make up with her. She misses you, she loves you and she isn't afraid to come out for that."

"Have you heard anything from Jenny yet?" she changed the subject, not in the mood to talk about her best friend.

"She wrote me a letter," he responded affected. "She made it clear she isn't planning on coming home." He paused. "I'm scared for her; I have such a bad feeling about all of this…" He felt a lump in his throat and closed his eyes, as if that would block out his concerns too.

But it didn't.

She was his baby sister, the one who had always been by his side. The one he stood in pictures with, clothed in a strawberry-stained shirt and underwear. She and his dad had always been the only constant factor in his life and now she was God-knows-where. Somewhere under a bridge, maybe in a squat. He felt guilty somewhere. He had seen her transformation; she had slowly changed from a glowing child into a troubled, depressed teenager and he hadn't thought twice with it. On top of that he had a strong suspicion she was doing cocaine, which only made him feel worse.

He softly pushed Blair's back, stood up and stepped out of the bath. After putting his boxers on, he walked straight to his room. Blair followed his example, dried herself quickly and put on underwear. She found him sitting on the rim of his bed and went to sit beside him.

"Are you OK?" she asked hesitantly. "I didn't mean to-"

"Of course," he said successfully keeping his emotions under control. "I always am." However, when he looked up, he couldn't keep eye contact longer than a couple seconds before feeling his emotions take the upper hand again.

She scanned his face and then opened her arms, ready to embrace him.

"No, Blair," he fended her off. "It's OK. You're not a hugger anyways."

She placed her hand on his arm and pushed it down before wrapping her arms around his neck. He bowed his head and curled his hand around her wrist. She kissed his black curls and leaned her head against his. There was a change in atmosphere but it wasn't caused by awkwardness. It was more so confusion, which they both blamed on not having much experience with no-strings-attached sex.

"I feel uncovered," he complained insecurely.

"That's because you kind of are."

"Emotionally, Blair," he replied.

"I know," she smiled. "Now you know how it feels."

Blair broke their embrace and pulled back. They locked eyes and he knew at once she was aiming at the day he found her in the toilets and slept at her place for the first time, thought not with her. "I… have bulimia." He just rested his stare on her, which made her feel like she shouldn't have mentioned it again. She inhaled nervously and looked away. "Huh… Forget I-"

But he softly grabbed her hand, reassuring her it was alright to talk about it if she was ready now. "Talk to me," he urged. "There will never be a reason for me to use it against you; I'd never have any profit with it."

"Why are you saying this?"

"Because I know _that_ is what you're scared of."

She nodded. "OK then."

Then she talked about her mother, who had been giving her subtle remarks about not eating too much since she was six, about always feeling inferior to Serena and about how she was always let down by the people she cares about. Step by step he began to understand a bit better how Blair Waldorf was constructed. He had felt her wall crumble a bit earlier too, when she had been talking about her father but this conversation was even less casual. It wasn't about her relationship with someone; it was about her relationship with herself.

"You and Serena are incomparable," he said when the conversation steered to her best friend for the umpteenth time.

"Yes, like a donkey and a Ferrari are incomparable."

"No, like… J.D. Salinger and Emily Brontë are incomparable."

"I'd better be Brontë here."

"You are. Serena is more open-minded and out there. She looks for freedom."

"And I'm narrow-minded, introvert and conventional?" she asked insulted.

"I'd describe you more as an _old_ soul."

"Well," she sighed. "It's hard to find a kindred one," she responded batting her eyes down. The fact that they had started out thinking so lowly of each other had oddly enough helped them to be so open around the other now. They had never tried to disguise themselves or played games with the thought that the person opposite them wasn't all that either but in fact socially or morally beneath them; the opinion of the other didn't matter. Now, Dan didn't think so lowly of Blair anymore and vice versa, but they had reserved the open attitude around each other.

"Yes," he agreed. "But when you will it'll be unique. And it won't be like Serena who considers every current boyfriend the One like you said," he said with hints of bitterness. "It'll be forever."

"I thought I'd have forever with Chuck." She raised her eyes to the ceiling. "I used to compare our relationship with the one of Cathy and Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights. But now I'm just tired, and hurt and I don't feel like our story was epic like Wuthering Heights. I feel like it was just a big farce." She paused. "Did you read that book?"

"Of course, it's a classic."

"And?"

"What, and?"

"What do you think about my comparison?"

"NO," Dan said firmly. "I mean, you guys have the tortured souls element down but that's it. What formed Heatchliff and Cathy's lives, is the difference in class. What made their relationship is that while they were so different, they were completely the same in the core, underneath all the shallowness and pressure of society."

"You only say that about social classes because you identify with that aspect," she replied a tad disappointed. "You're seeing it too technical."

"No, I see it like it is. If Heathcliff had been as rich as her, from the right parents, him and Cathy would've married and had a couple of children. There would be no deaths or abuse. Cathy and Heathcliff weren't afraid to love each other and let it show without shame… Though they should've been ashamed considering she was married." He paused. "You and Chuck hurt each other for no reason, couldn't commit to each other and are too proud to let your guard down for each other. It wouldn't work in such an epic story. Plus, Heathcliff never left Catherine to go to Tuscany on her own nor would he have tried to get over her by inviting a billion girls in his room. He would've never done any of that; he would've taken every slim opportunity to be with her despite knowing her mere presence could kill him."

"Dan!"

"What?"

"You're stomping all over my fantasy world."

"It's your own fault. You don't say to someone who has read every book, every story considered great and epic he could lay his hands on since he was six that… whatever you and Chuck had going on can compare to Wuthering Heights. If you're talking about a donkey-Ferrari comparison, Blair, well that's one."

Her face hardened. "You're saying the most intense experience I've ever had with love is …a donkey?"

He simply shrugged. "I never understood your relationship with Chuck. If you're deeply in love with someone and dream about being with that person you just forget yourself and your insecurities. Doesn't matter which kind of personality you have. When it feels right I don't think anything else matters. In my eyes, true love is selfless." He looked in her eyes. "You guys weren't."

"You and Serena aren't all that epic either! She might be your first love-"

"I agree," he nodded. "First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity."

"What?"

"Shaw," he responded.

"Quoting writers to prove your point is so lame."

"No lamer than trying to shape a real life situation after the ones in books and films," he pointed out. "And literature helps me. I use it to get over my… hurt. You, on the other hand, use it to keep hanging on to things that won't ever return to the way they were, like the time before Chuck didn't meet you to go to Tuscany."

She looked down, hit with the frustrating feeling that Dan Humphrey was one-hundred per cent right. "… I hate you!"

For a moment, there was complete silence until Blair looked up at him tearing up. It was his fault, he knew that, but he wasn't going to apologize for speaking the truth. Not when she wouldn't veil things for him either. "I think I'm going to sleep," he announced casually. Blair watched as he crawled under his sheet. Before she could ask if she could stay, he raised the sheet and tilted his head. "Come here."

"It's cold," she pouted as she curled her body in fetal position. "How come _you_ are always so warm?" she complained. Dan looked down into her demanding brown eyes and pulled her closer. After laying herself against him in the most comfortable position, she nuzzled her face into his neck. "You're like a furnace."

Dan reached behind him, turning off the light. "So no sex today, I suppose?"

"I'm not in a sexy mood after you maimed my epic love story."

"If you had no hope you'd be jumping out of my window as we speak."

"I'd rather bug the living shit out of you until _you_ jump out of your window."

He smiled and closed his eyes. "Goodnight, Waldorf."

"Goodnight, Humphrey"

X

The weather was awfully depressing. It had just rained and New York was still covered by a grayness, which was only broken by Blair Waldorf's cherry-red coat. Closing her umbrella, she walked over the street, surrounded by her usual proud bearing.

"Serena just texted me."

Blair glanced over her shoulder to see Dan walking right behind her and immediately lost some of her pride and confidence. "Humphrey, not so close, we're in public!" She turned her head from side to side, making sure there was nobody she knew around. "We're already lucky we're not on Gossip Girl yet. Let's please keep it that way."

"Come here then," he responded and pulled a reluctant Blair in an alley.

"Yes, I made up with Serena!" she admitted aggravated. So what?"

"You made up with her because _I_ told you so."

Her face deformed in disgust. "As if."

"No, you did," he pertained. "You care about what I have to say."

"In your dreams."

"In reality!"

"You're annoying me." Suddenly Blair heard the voices of her minions, which made her eyes pop in panic. "Oh no!" she cried. "We got to hide!" She looked around her nervously and noticed that if she'd start running now, she'd be caught no matter what. "But we can't!"

Thinking quickly, Dan pushed her against the wall so that he covered her body and kissed her so that nobody could see her face. The shadow in the alley did the rest and the minions only briefly paused to say how tacky it was to make out in such a dark, smelly little street and then haughtily walked further.

"They're gone."

Blair just grabbed his head and pulled his lips to hers again.

"OK…" Dan began five minutes later, completely breathless. "Now we really should go to school."

She broke away and fumbled with his tie. "We're still on for tonight?"

"Sure."

They locked eyes and smiled. He loathed what she stood for, she despised his lifestyle but in a twisted way they had come to need each other.

"I'll rent Gangs of New York for you," he offered.

"Ew."

"What?" he asked confused. "I thought you _liked_ DiCaprio."

"He's dirty and unwashed there."

"The Aviator?"

"I saw that one already. It's the one where he collects his pee."

"Is that all you remembered from such a good movie?"

She rolled her eyes. "I can hear the judgment in your voice."

"You deserve it for being so shallow."

"-"

"I'll rent The Departed," he gave in to her desire of seeing a clean DiCaprio. "And no 'buts' on this one. I haven't seen it yet and I love Scorcese."

"Is-"

"Yes, he plays an undercover agent there. Those are usually washed. Unless it is to annoy Blair Waldorf of course."

"What's it about?" she then asked mildly interested.

"Love," he lied.

"Wuthering Heights love?"

"No, but I'm sure you can twist it until it is."

"Oh, shut up," she rolled her eyes. "And come here, you've got lipstick all over your face." She lifted her hand and brushed her thumb around his lip as he gazed down at her almost estimating her with his eyes. Suddenly she looked up at him seriously. "By the way, I do not want you to walk around school in your Hamlet costume."

He looked away, raising his eyes to the sky. "And why not?"

"Because the girls always laugh at you then and say they don't understand how you ever got Serena," she explained riled up. "And then I get all red and embarrassed because you do look completely ridiculous in it and unlike them, I'm sleeping with you."

Dan stared down at her incredulously.

"Well?" Blair asked in a demanding tone.

"Oh, Ophelia!" He slipped his arm around her waist so tightly she had to arch her back. He then threw her even further over his arm and kissed her neck.

"Let me go, Humphrey!" she cried but couldn't suppress a smile.

"Are you honest?"

"Dan!!!"

"Are you fair?"

"You're _crazy_!" she squealed.

"Close," he responded. "But it should've been 'What means your lordship?'."

"You're silly." She pushed him away and tried to unsuccessfully wipe her grin off her face. "I just hope we can conclude out of all of this you won't be wearing your costume again anywhere but on stage or in the locker room."

"That's what you concluded. Remember I've been an outsider since I was a kid; I stopped caring about public opinion a while ago. I'll continue wearing that costume. Not a million little dominatrices like you could stop me from that."

"We shall see about that," she answered.

"We will."

"Don't try to battle me, Cabbage Patch," she said in a derogatory tone. "It'll end badly."

He drove her against the wall again and smiled almost invisibly. "Yeah, what you gonna do?" he asked provoking. "Kiss me?"

Blair looked at him in shock; he didn't seem the slightest bit rattled by her threats like he used to be a couple of months ago. "Oh, my God, I'm rubbing off on you." Suddenly she realized that it indeed was the same the other way around. Like Dan had said: she _had_ made up with Serena was because he had talked her into it. She frowned confused and suddenly felt a bit trapped. "I'm going to school," she announced as she pushed his arm away and ran out of the alley, leaving him there alone.

When she finally arrived, she went straight to her locker to get her English books. "I heard you and Serena have made up," Blair heard from behind her at once. With all the energy running through her veins at the moment, she almost had a heart attack at the sudden voice.

"Chuck," she breathed out before quickly composing herself. "Indeed," she continued in a calmer tone. "Serena is like a sister. Can't live with her, can't live without her."

He raised an eyebrow. "Right." He leaned against the locker next to hers. "Now that you've gotten over your issues maybe I can persuade you to come get a drink with me?"

"Huh… I can't tonight. Maybe tomorrow," she answered hastily.

Chuck ran his eyes over Blair and furrowed his brows. Something was going on with her, he could feel it in every fiber of his being. "What's the matter with you? You're nervous, sweaty and your hair looks like a mess. You're looking like a Brooklyner."

She gasped appalled. "The chances of you and me having a drink just decreased immensely!" With that she turned around and walked into the English classroom, where she seated herself next to Serena.

In front sat a girl none of them had seen before. She wasn't a girl you'd like twice at walking down the street but she had beautiful red hair, kind brown eyes and a sweet smile. "Who is she?" Blair asked.

"Emma Patrick," Serena answered. "You know, brilliant author, only nineteen years old but already has a best seller under her belt?"

"Hm…And she is here, why?"

Serena shrugged. "I guess Mr. Wood thought it'd be interesting to have her over. Either way it's better than a normal lesson. I'm all for it!"

"She seems like a total geek." She shortly gazed at her hands. "Like Humphrey."

Serena glanced at Dan, who looked at Emma like she was the Messiah. "Maybe that's why he seems to like her already."

Blair looked over at him and clenched her jaw, the sight before her eyes displeasing her. "Do you have a problem with it?" she asked Serena at once. "I could punish him."

"No, Blair, it's OK," she reassured her. "I'll always have a soft spot for Dan but I'd never go there again, even not now me and Aaron are broken up. I mean, yeah, I can look back on our time together with a smile but that's it. We don't have a future together."

She looked at Serena annoyed. "No punishment then."

Serena shook her head, cracking a smile in the process. "Let's just listen to her now, alright? Crazy girl."

Emma started talking about her career up until now and it initially took her some time to find the writing style she was comfortable with. When at a certain point she asked if anyone in the class was a writer, the room remained eerily quiet.

"Dan is a writer!" Serena blurted out. "He even had some of his poems published in the New Yorker."

Dan turned around giving her a death glare. Serena just grinned at him while giving a little shrug.

"You're Dan?" Emma asked him.

"Y-Yes. But my work isn't that good," he blushed. "I still need to evolve a lot as a writer."

"He's being modest, Ms. Patrick," the teacher now butted in. "He's the most talented student in my class."

Emma nodded. "And do you write anything aside from poems?"

"What is this?" sounded out of nowhere. "The Dan Humphrey show?"

"Ms. Waldorf!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Woods but I don't think anyone is even a tiny bit interested in lame Dan Humphrey's lame stories. He hasn't even gotten accepted into Yale yet because he preferred hooking up with random girls during the summer to actually concentrating on his… _work_."

"B!" Serena hissed. "What the hell are you doing?"

Dan looked over his shoulder feeling not only embarrassed but also taken aback. He thought they had started to come on the same wavelength lately but obviously he had been severely mistaken. Mr. Woods shifted his eyes nervously a couple of times. "From what I've heard from Dan himself that behavior is in the past now, and even if it wasn't, it should not be discussed in class. I suggest you remain quiet until the end of the lesson, Ms. Waldorf or you will feel the consequences of your… huh… _lack of control_." He took a deep breath. "Now go on, Dan, answer Ms. Patrick's question."

"Short stories," Dan answered, avoiding looking at Chuck, who rolled his eyes.

"Who's your favorite author?"

"Edgar Allen Poe, probably."

"Dark."

"That's me," he replied.

"Never thought about writing a novel yourself?"

"Thought about it? Yes, sure. Actually started writing one? No. It's a step-"

"That's hard to make," she finished his sentence. "I understand. I was like that too."

"You were?" he asked surprised.

Blair raised her hand. "Mr. Wood, this is boring."

"And you seem like a self-centered little nag," Emma attacked Blair, the girl's eyes betraying an intriguing fire. "So I'm boring? What I say is boring to you? I'm only a year older and have accomplished a lot more than other people my age and probably more than you will have next year when _you_ are nineteen."

"And what exactly have you accomplished?" she asked with a less than genuine smile. "Aside from being an arrogant cow then."

"Shut up!" the teacher cried, before quickly biting his tongue. "I apologize for that choice of words. But Ms. Waldorf, you _shall_ be quiet. I'm not used to these kinds of outbursts from you and I won't tolerate them either. Continue like this and you will see it on your rapport card. Is that understood?"

Blair leaned back in her seat looking at Mr. Wood like he was doing her terrible injustice. Her stare even made the poor man sweaty.

Emma in the meanwhile looked back at Dan. To be honest, she didn't really care about whether or not he had talent. She didn't know, but what she did know is that he was extremely good-looking. "If you want, I could read your work sometimes," she smiled.

"Is 'read your work' now the same as 'get it on with you'?" Brandon asked in a loud and obnoxious voice.

"To the PRINCIPAL," Mr. Wood cried immediately following, upon which Brandon reluctantly stood up and left the classroom.

Serena laughed at Dan's beet-red head but Blair looked like she had just bitten in a lemon. "It's not funny," she said sternly. "The world doesn't revolve around him."

"Blair, you seriously have to chill," she answered. "Don't act like you don't know that his work would be brought up with a published author only a year older than us. He's most likely to follow in her footsteps sooner or later."

Blair looked away aggravated and heaved a sigh.

The rest of the lesson went on without too many interruptions. However, as they heard the bell sign and further all started leaving the classroom, Brandon was proved right: just as Dan was about to step through the door, Emma slipped him a piece of paper. He threw it a quick glance and saw it was her card. Looking back up, she winked at him. "Call me when you worked out your issues with that girl."

His jaw dropped. "Wh-What?"

"Isn't there something g-"

"How do you know?"

"I had something similar going on in high school, with a football player."

He shook his head in disbelief. "And huh… What happened?"

"Well, he was smoking hot, but not very smart or anything so I got bored and dumped him."

"Oh." He looked at her for another second. "Anyway, I have to go," he said tilting his head towards the door. "Hamlet repetitions… Bye."

"See you later."

x

'Oh, no," he let out as he saw Blair in the door opening but she was too quick an slipped inside. "What are you doing here?" The cold look in his eyes sent shivers down her spine.

"What did you think? That I was going to be nice to you?"

"For Christ's sake, Blair, nobody is asking you to be nice. All I ask is a little decency from you. You had absolutely no reason to embarrass me in front of everyone like that!"

"She was coming on to you, I was just looking out for Serena!" she lied. She didn't know why she had freaked out over the attention given to him so much but it was too odd for it to ruin their twisted little thing.

"LIAR," he yelled.

"Don't scream at me like that!"

"I was being too friendly with her, and you didn't like it. And you know why?"

"-"

"I do," he cut her off. "You see me as yours even though you claim you hate my guts. It all has to be about you and everyone stepping into your world has to be under your control: Serena, Jenny, Chuck…You're a possessive bitch and you drive everyone crazy."

"Take that back!"

He walked over to her and moved his face less than an inch away from her. "You …are a lunatic." Further he turned around. "We've done nothing but abused each other since we started our deal up. It's time to end it."

"Fine!" she yelled to his back. "Being with you, even merely in your presence, made me feel ashamed about myself anyway, you rat. You're poor and unworthy."

He walked back to her, caught one of her wrists easily and pushed her against a wall, holding her wrist above her head. "You know why you're ashamed Blair?"

"Let me go," she deadpanned.

"You've opened up to me." He narrowed his eyes to splits. "And how imperfect am I?" She didn't answer but just stared up at him confused. "You never thought a guy like me could be of use to a girl like you and now that that has happened, what should you do? You've broken with your own standards." He finally let her go and she rubbed her wrist. "Now you'll have to live with that. But without me."

He turned his back at her.

"I did!" she yelled tearing up. "I opened up to you and I told you everything about myself. Well, is it not good enough?"

"What?"

"Why do you need her for? Am _I_ not good enough?"

She began to cry and Dan approached her yet again, completely rattled as he cupped her head with both hands. "You're so confusing," he told her. "I thought you wanted this. Sex with no strings attached. I mean, I'm here for you like I guess a friend would be but if you forbid me to see other girls, where does this end? It'll lead to something we both never wanted."

She stared down clueless, feeling like an abandoned, wounded little bird. Dan sighed and wrapped his arm around her, closing the distance between them. "It's OK… I wasn't going to call her anyway, she's not my type," he said, both knowing that if Dan even had a type, it'd be Emma Patrick.

She pulled back, cupped his cheek and kissed him just once.

What had happened yesterday between them had pushed them both on a slippery slope filled with holes and treacherous turns, one that should be tread upon with great carefulness, something that they just had failed to do.

Dan's brain was hurting merely thinking about the situation him and Blair had gotten themselves into. When suddenly his cell phone rang he was almost relieved by the distraction. He quickly took his phone out of his pocket. "Hello?"

"We found Jenny," sounded at the other end of the line.

"You… You did?"

"But… I…She's in the hospital, she took an overdose," he responded with a lump in his throat. "She was unconscious when I found her and she still is. They're trying to find out how long she was in that state right now. I want you-"

Dan heard his father beginning to cry. "Sure, I'm coming right away."

"-"

"Dad…She's going to be OK, I can feel it." With that he hung up. "It's Jenny," he told Blair. "He found her but it's not looking good." He quickly grabbed his coat.

"I'm coming with you," Blair said.

He shortly looked over his shoulder, not knowing what to say but then shook his head. It didn't matter if she'd come or not, all that mattered now was his sister. "OK, OK… Let's just go."

* * *

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tell me what you think!


	5. A Disaster of Epic Proportions

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! :)

* * *

5. A Disaster of Epic Proportions

The hospital bore a smell of medicines and sterility, a smell neither Dan nor Blair could stand. He had seen Jenny earlier, still in the same state. The doctors had said she was expected to awake without brain damage but the wait nonetheless felt endless. At the moment Rufus was in her room again and Dan knew he was still in the same position as thirty minutes ago: holding his daughter hand as he stared at her from his spot on the simple hospital stool.

Dan himself was in the waiting room, just gazing in front of him, in thought about Jenny until Blair shifted in her seat, yawning a little. He looked down at her, wanting to ask why she was here. When she felt his eyes on her she looked up in them confidently. She wanted to tell him she didn't know why she had wanted to be here with him but that it felt right to do so. However, neither of them spoke a word; she just leaned her head against his chest as he laid his arm around her shoulder.

Despite everything, he couldn't help but think about all that had happened lately with Blair. To say that he didn't feel anything for this girl resting against him would be a blatant lie. It wasn't merely lust or hate anymore either. He wanted her to be healthy, happy and… away from Chuck. He had seen them by her locker today and he may or may not have paid extra attention to Emma Patrick in the hope Blair would see. While he got the reaction he wanted (well, maybe he had not wanted it _that_ extreme), he wondered if it came from the right place. Did she have feelings for him too? Or was she just being, like he had accused her of, a possessive bitch?

In the quietness of his thought, Dan absently began curling a lock of her dark-brown hair around his finger. She instinctively took his hand. What he did then, was the most courageous thing he had ever done. Instead of letting Blair pull her hand away like she was obviously intending to do, he folded his around it. She looked up at him; her deep-brown eyes scanned his face until he intertwined their fingers, then she fixed her stare on their hands. Touching. Connected in a way that frightened her a little.

Dan saw she was a bit taken aback. "It doesn't have to be defined," he reassured her.

She nodded softly, relieved and even when he kissed her hand lightly, she remained her newfound calmness. She was grateful for him being there for her these past weeks, though she had a hard time expressing it. By being here with him, with her arms wrapped around him, she hoped he'd understand she cared too. Because she did. She wanted everything to work out for him and she wanted him to not look at other girls like he did at Emma Patrick earlier this day. He had just told her this needn't be defined but if they were going to set up another rule, it'd be that he wasn't going to date other girls as long as their _thing_ was still going on. Blair didn't share anything, and she wasn't going to share Dan either.

They stayed in the position they were in for quite a while, in a comfortable silence. Rufus, in the meanwhile, had come out of Jenny's room to ask if Dan was up for staying at her bedside some more. He frowned deeply when he saw his son with Serena's best friend. He found it already very surprising Blair Waldorf had happened to be with him when he got the news of Jenny but the way they were holding each other simply baffled him. She sat so close to him she might've well crawled on his lap, with her hands wrapped around his torso and her head resting against it.

Suddenly Blair straightened her body and announced she needed a new dose of caffeine. Dan reached in his pocket and gave her some change as she had forgotten her purse back in his flat. With two dollars I her hand, Blair walked away, to the coffee machine.

"Son?"

Dan looked up. "Yes?"

"Blair Waldorf," was all he said, making him look a bit dim.

"Please don't do this," he groaned.

"Are you two together?"

"Da-aaaaaad… Let's not talk about it, let's concentrate on Jenny."

"I'm just confused, Dan."

"You and me both."

"I called your mother," Rufus mentioned out of nowhere.

Dan gave him a blank expression. "Is she coming?"

"She'll be here in a couple of hours, I think."

He thought about his mother. Her pain. Her concern… It didn't affect him. Just not at all. What did is the way he was so estranged from his own mother. Soon she'd be but an acquaintance. Quite suddenly it hit him that he had only two people in his life who had never given him the feeling he was insignificant: Jenny and his father. The rest found either their new boyfriend, their new lover (with whom they cheated on their ex-husband on) or social status more important. He felt bruised and battered, as the Boss would say it. Just like that and out of nowhere (or better: out of Hudson, where his mother resided).

"I'm going back to Jenny's room," Rufus announced.

"I'll be there soon," he promised.

"Are you OK?"

Dan turned around, gazing at Blair with squinted, hostile eyes. "What do you care?" His voice sounded aggressive and disdainful.

Blair's facial expression flowed from shock over in disbelief. She took a step back from him with a body language that implied neutrality. However, her stoic air couldn't hide the sadness on her face.

Cursing himself, Dan shook his head just once and reached for her hand but she pulled away. "Blair…" he called her name following her. "I'm sorry, I'm just… I…" he sighed. "Blair!"

It was almost December now and the air they breathed was visible in the cold as they stepped outside. "No," Blair simply said when he asked her to stop.

"Don't be such a baby!"

"If I throw a stick, will you _leave_?

"Look," he began. "I shouldn't have been so blunt, but can you give me a break, yeah? My sister is about to wake up from …a cocaine coma and I just realized my mother is becoming a stranger." He paused. "Can't you-"

"Can't I? Can't I what? Can't I say I care?" she yelled.

"What?"

"Aren't you trying to drag something like that out of me?"

He frowned confused. "No." He raised his eyes to the sky and heaved he sigh. "I… am not Chuck."

She bowed her head seemingly calm. "So you don't want to know if I care."

"No." He scanned her face suspiciously. "Well…Do you?'"

"A-ha!" she let out. "I knew-"

"You don't know anything," he cut her off dominantly. "The time we've spent together, these past weeks have been the most selfless ones of my life-"

"Well," she began in her typical disdaining manner. "I'm sor-"

"Be quiet!" he now growled, rattling her and her haughty composure. "_I_ care about you, Blair." He paced back and forth a couple of times, making her feel uneasy. "I was, I was… Thinking why I want you to like me, why I didn't call Emma-"

She narrowed her eyes to splits at the mention of that name. "-"

"QUIET," he ordered loudly. "This is not about you. I haven't paid interest to myself in weeks now. But now, with all that has happened to me this past half year, I'm starting to realize how fragile life is and its relationships, and _my_ relationships with the people in my life. From now on, I only want to point my attention to people who I care about and who care about me. I'm not interested in spilling time on emotional bloodsuckers anymore. I'm not interested in being abused anymore. I'm not interested in being _demeaned_ anymore." He briefly breathed in. "I want to look for people who appreciate me."

"So what? You're tired of me? I'm weakening you?"

"Yes, you-"

She pointed her finger at him furiously. "SELFISH."

His jaw dropped. "Is that all you got from this!??" He chuckled coldly. "You are _very_ self-absorbed."

"Yes, I am," she replied.

He moved closer. "Just remember, Blair, that every time you push someone away the more likely it is that you'll end up alone. And your fantasies… They will be all you'll have left."

She stared at him shaken to the core, but covered her uneasiness up with a severe attitude. Dan smiled at her mockingly and with a shrug, turned his back on her, stepping back to the hospital. Blair's blood began to boil at his sudden casualness. How dared he say all these things to her and then walk away? "I'll never care about you!" she screamed. "It doesn't matter how much you provoke me!"

"Great," he responded heated, shortly looking over his shoulder. "Then fuck off," he further mumbled to himself.

He went to sit back on his spot in the hall. As he sat there, it began to hit him what he had just said to Blair and what he had done. He was already socially dead but now his life would become a living hell no doubt. He broke their deal by having feelings for her and basically said she'd die old and alone. He had to be prepared for her revenge, he knew.

"You coming Dan?" sounded a voice. "I could use some company and I think you could too."

He locked eyes with his father and nodded before joining him.

"Where's Blair?" he asked after a minute or five.

"Gone."

"-"

"We weren't together."

"-"

"It's complicated."

"-"

"I'll survive, dad." He smiled at his father.

Rufus send a smile back. "Of course. You always do. But it's just something I need to be sure of anyway," he told him. "I'm sorry for having neglected you these past weeks; you must've been lonely."

"I had Blair."

Rufus nodded before leaning back in the plastic hospital chair. "I had kind of guessed that already."

"Yeah. Just another disappointment in a string of many."

His father blinked clueless.

"Jen?" Dan then suddenly let out, seeing his sister's eyes flutter open.

The petite blonde looked around the room a couple of seconds, letting it seep through she was in a hospital. She almost instantly remembered what had happened. She had snorted too much, and shortly before everything had gone black in front of her eyes her nose had started to bleed uncontrollably. She touched one of her nostrils and when she then turned to her father and brother, who were leaning above her bed, she started to tear. "Oh, my God."

"It's OK, Jen," Rufus said as he embraced her. Dan in the meanwhile tugged her hand, also touched by his baby sister finally having pulled through.

Their bliss lasted about thirty minutes. Then the nurse announced visiting hours were over. Rufus immediately insisted he should stay, despite Jenny's assurance she wouldn't be running anywhere anytime soon.

"I'll visit you in the morning," Dan said.

"Oh, yes," Rufus let out, looking over his shoulder at his son. "I'm sorry-"

"You should be here," he reassured his father. He walked to the door. "Don't worry; we think you're a good father. The best we could have."

He briefly locked eyes with Jenny, who timidly nodded. "We do."

Rufus nodded gratefully at Dan and then again embraced his daughter. As Dan reached the door, he briefly turned around. "I love you both."

Jenny and Rufus looked up and smiled. "I love you too," they said simultaneously.

Dan left the hospital feeling lighter inside now that his sister was alright. He knew his life would go back to normal now. The situation with Blair did hurt him because he hadn't lied; he had fallen in love with her but… They had never really been a couple or anything like that, and there hadn't been anything from her side. He had successfully put a stop to something that would otherwise have escalated and hurt him horribly.

He couldn't stop thinking about her the whole subway ride and walk back home. Turning around the corner of his street, he breathed in and out deeply, deciding this would be the last time she'd ever occupy his mind again. It still baffled him what kind of effect she had had on him but being able to deal with it on his own now, without her around felt like a relief.

However, concern washed over his face when he reached his doorstep and saw a shivering Blair sitting down on it. She must've been sitting here for hours. "Waldorf…" he said. "What…" He grabbed her hands and was startled by how cold they were. "You're freezing."

"Dan, I-" she sniffled.

"Let's get you inside."

Ten minutes later he handed her a warm cup of tea. She didn't have any interest for the tea or getting warm; she wanted to know where they stood. That's why she had waited there on his doorstep in the cold. "Dan, I want-"

"You can sleep in Jenny's bed," Dan said practically. He had picked up she wanted to talk but as far as he was concerned, there was nothing left to say. "She won't be home until tomorrow."

She just nodded, hurt by his robotic attitude.

"I'm going to bed now. Goodnight," he said politely.

"Goodnight."

x

Unable to fall asleep, Blair tossed and turned in her bed before swiftly rolling to her left to see what time it was. She sighed exasperated when she saw it was three in the morning and straightened her body to put her feet on the floor. A blank look was spread across her face. She knew what was causing her insomnia; it was probably peacefully sleeping in the room next to her.

She stood up and walked through the hall, to Dan. The door of his room was open. Slowly, she walked inside and saw him standing by his window, looking outside.

"It's snowing," he said when he heard her footsteps.

She stepped further until she was standing directly behind him. "What changed between the time that we hadn't had to be defined and the point that it had?" she cut to the case.

"I _was_ being selfish," he replied honestly.

She went to stand beside him and watched the snow flakes whirling down. "I want to sleep with you," she softly said. "In your bed I mean."

He knew she was looking for eye contact but he relentlessly gazed at the streets, covered by a white blanket that was growing thicker by the minute. "Why?" he wanted to know.

"Because I need you." She bowed her head and insecurely played with her fingers.

"Not good enough." He paused. "But you can stay. One last night then."

He went back to lay in his bed, upon which Blair joined him. She was cold again and he pressed her close, like he always did when he felt she was cold.

"I don't want it to be the last," she softly admitted as she cupped his cheek. This situation made her fall for him even more. It was so similar to last year, when she crawled back to Chuck. However, this time she wasn't humiliated or compared to an Arabian horse; Dan let her stay.

"You're cold," he ignored her. As he pulled her even closer, she grabbed his head between both hands and pressed her lips against his. "Blair…" he protested.

She pulled back, her eyes glazed over. "_Why_ do you care?"

"I-"

"You think I'm a witch."

"True."

He faintly smiled and she gave him a soft push. "Seriously, Dan..."

"You must've cast a spell on me."

She turned around. When his arm wrapped around her waist she grinned. "No," she complained. "We're in emotional crises and you're joking around."

"It's better than lamenting it," he said as he kissed her shoulder. "Besides, why do you want to know?"

"You were trying to put me down because _I_'d never say I do."

"I never did anything of the sort."

"You did."

"You're avoiding the question."

"I never said I cared," she rubbed some salt in his wound.

"But you said you needed me."

"I take it back."

A painful silence veiled them at once. "Then you can go sleep in Jenny's bed again," Dan broke it with a sudden seriousness before turning his back at her. "You can sleep there, but I want you to be gone first thing tomorrow."

She stared at his back and felt herself tear up again. "You're as bad as Chuck," she accused him.

"What?" he growled in such an aggressive manner she stopped crying at once. Without looking at her, he rolled out of bed and left the room.

"Where are you going?" she asked in a dramatic voice. "I won't take it back!" She jumped off the bed and followed him through the hall. "Stop being so spineless!" she cried. "At least Chuck didn't always RUN when we were fighting."

"YOU AND CHUCK NEVER FOUGHT," he yelled back. "I don't get this need to play games!!! I'm not like that and I refuse to become like that!"

Suddenly he heard a shrill shriek behind him. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Blair had tripped and fallen. Concerned, he walked back and kneeled down with her. Just as he was about to open his mouth, she slapped him hard. Her eyes were almost black and full of viciousness. When he looked up her face hardened even more. She raised her hand with the intention of hurting him even worse but he leaned back. Without problem, she went to sit on her knees and attacked him, gripping him by the upper arms and shaking him back and forth.

He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her down. "Have you gone crazy?" he hissed in her ear. He rolled them over and pinned her down with his body. "I don't deserve this. I let you in my life, I took care of you and I fell in love with you. If you think the latter is my only mistake, you're wrong. I should've let you lay there that day in the toilets. It would've been easier for the both of us."

Her bottom lip trembled as she suppressed more tears. He was being meaner to her than she had ever imagined. She wondered if she really did bring out the worst in people. "That it would've. You made your life unnecessarily difficult."

He closed his eyes and sighed. He didn't want to hurt her but he couldn't stand being made a fool of either. In inner struggle, he felt Blair's arms wrap around his neck and pull him down. His eyes shot open as she captured his lips. She was so sneaky. Breaking away, she pushed him off her and took off her blue shirt before continuing her quest for total control.

He pulled away and stood up. Blair looked up into his eyes and was confused by what she saw in them. He wasn't being vicious or vengeful, they looked warm and kind. She rose from the floor and furrowed her brows at him. Before she could ask anything, he wrapped his arms firmly around her and lifted her so that she was resting in them like a bride in a groom's. "Put me down," she demanded.

Dan didn't listen but merely bowed his head and brushed his lips over hers.

"Did I win?" she asked with hopeful eyes. "I don't have to say anything? We'll continue like we were?"

"Yeah, you won."

He walked back in his room and laid her down on the bed. She looked up at him, not quite knowing what to make of this suddenly odd situation. Her eyes never left him as he undressed himself and lowered his body to hers again. His lips pressed hot kisses to neck, her breasts, her legs. She smiled anticipating when he took off her skirt and underwear, before taking off his remaining clothes too. Her pupils were the size of saucers. His lips curled into a faint smile before he bowed over and brushed them over her face, over her cheeks, over her nose.

Blair's breath staggered in her throat feeling this delicate touch. She hadn't won anything at all; he was making _love_ to her! She was too surprised to speak when she realized this, the only thing she did was look at him like a sheep at a train. He pulled back and looked down at her in such a manner she wouldn't ever, _ever_, wonder again why Serena fell for him.

He brushed her chocolate-brown hair out of her face. "I like it when you're blushing."

Startled, she touched her cheeks and felt she was indeed burning up.

Before long, they were moving together, but differently than the other times they had been together. Slower, more tender. He rested his forehead against hers and looked in her eyes. She looked back with the strangest feeling and then out of nowhere, a tear streamed down her cheek. She closed her eyes and sighed.

This was love. He knew it. She knew it.

They also were well aware that this was the most complicated relationship they had ever been in. Getting in Chuck's head had been so easy for Blair, natural. Trying to master Dan's train of thought, on the other hand, was like running through a maze like a chicken without a head. She didn't know where to go, she didn't know if he'd suddenly not want her anymore and she was so scared to he might decide that after Serena, she was a huge letdown.

"Blair…" he mumbled. While peeling through all her various layers, by crashing her walls on by one, he had gotten stuck and now, he didn't want to leave anymore. She made him want to tear his hair out, scream, hit a mirror or something else breakable but never, ever would he actually abandon her, despite what he had claimed earlier. Softly he kissed down the trail the tear had left behind until he reached her lips. She parted hers for him and he fitted them together.

Soon they picked up their pace, being drowned in pleasure in the process. Blair's hand curled around his hair as he dove into her deeper and faster while continuing to place kisses in her neck. Suddenly she gasped loudly, her petite body clutching around him as she flew over the edge. He followed her only seconds after and collapsed on top of her. Both were completely breathless and still soaked in bliss.

"I love you," she then impulsively let out, still coming down from her high.

It took a second for it to seep through with him but then suddenly he straightened his body and tilted his head to the side, watching her. "What?"

"What?" she repeated, having no clue what was going on.

"You said you loved me."

Her eyes moved from left to right a couple of times before they popped in realization. "I did…" She stared to the ceiling. "This is a disaster of epic proportions."

He just stared down and smiled. "Well?" he quickly heard. Blair's voice was demanding and impatient.

"Well what?"

"Say it back."

"What back?" he teased her.

"You're an unbelievable asshole!" she complained. "And this is so awful. I… I… Since Nate… And Chuck… Oh, my God, Chuck. He can't know about this… And Serena… I don't know but-"

Her words were cut off as his lips slanted over hers. He rolled back on top of her, caught a quick breath and then kissed her even deeper. She moaned as she run her fingers through his hair softly. A complaining sound left her mouth when he suddenly pulled back.

"I love you too."

She stared at him sheepishly for a second and then shook her head incredulously. "This is so weird."

"Like Tom nailing Jerry?"

"Humphrey!" she began in a tone that suggested she didn't like this comparison. However, considering it, she nodded. "Actually, yeah."

"It's sick," he admitted.

"And wrong."

"Twisted."

"Unnatural."

"That makes it kind of hot…" He smiled playfully.

"Dan…" she sighed. "We're not going to stop having, you know, rough sex?"

He bowed over and kissed her neck. "My very own nymf." He smiled widely against her skin when he felt her slap his shoulder.

"I'm n-"

Before she couldn't finish her sentence, he flipped them over in a swift motion, making her straddle him. He ran his hands up and down her body before resting them on her hips. "Hit me with your best shot."

x

"So how do you know this girl?"

"Well…I found her one day, sitting down against a wall, crying…" Dan began. "And I asked her what was wrong and she said she was being bullied." He paused. "When she told me about what they did and what they said to her, I just had to think about myself, how I had been bullied."

They walked through the gate of the riding school. Blair batted her eyes down. "Did I…"

"Yeah," he replied. "Quite early on. But it's OK now."

"I don't remember-"

"I was five, and we were in kindergarten, and I came to sit next to you to color. And you looked at me the same way you always did before… You know. And then you announced to the whole class that I smelled which, by the way, wasn't the truth."

She looked down sadly. "What did Serena do?" she then asked harshly.

"Blair…"

"What did she do?" she repeated louder.

"She comforted me. She doesn't remember, but I do."

She stared at him evilly. "Name a quality I have that Serena doesn't have."

He stopped his tread and led her to stand against the stone wall. "Don't be jealous."

"Should I repeat my question? Are you having trouble hearing?" she asked in an icy tone.

He bit his tongue slightly annoyed. "Serena… Never forced me to be more than what I am." He looked in her eyes intensely. "You make me discover sides of myself I never knew I had."

She rolled her eyes at the perfection of his words. "Good answer," she admitted. "Now about the girl…"

"I brought her back to her parents, they thanked me and since then I've been driving her and picking her up from her horse-back riding class every Saturday. Otherwise she'd have to take the subway and two busses." He looked up to the right. "There she is already."

Blair looked as a girl, around twelve years old, walked up to them. "Hi," she greeted hesitantly. She moved a little closer to Dan. "Why is Blair Waldorf here? Didn't you…"

"For Christ sake," Blair sighed.

"We're kind of together now, Nic," he explained her. The girl's blue eyes popped. "It's a long story," Dan continued. "I'll tell you later."

"Like hell you will," Blair interfered. "Listen, little munchkin, if you ever tell anyone-"

"Blair!"

"Dan!"

"OK," he let out aggravated. "Nic, could you go check with your teacher when your lesson for next time is, please?"

"Sure."

When she disappeared, Dan turned to Blair. "If you don't want to be seen with me, you shouldn't have insisted to come along," he told her sternly.

"It's confusing, Dan," she responded through clenched teeth. "I've got a status to maintain, and I love that status. I don't want to lose it." She shyly looked away. "But I don't want to be… You know…"

"What?"

"Away from you!" she spoke angered. "I don't want to be away from you, Djeez."

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "You're so good at the emotional stuff," he sighed out sarcastically.

"Shut up."

In the meanwhile, Nicole had just learned the next lesson would be at four PM. As she walked back, she bumped into a couple of girls, looking at Dan and Blair from a distance.

"Who's that guy?" one asked. "I could swear."

"Oh, he's Dan," Nicole blurted out. "Dan Humphrey."

The girls' jaws dropped. "Cell phone, cell phone…"

"How do I zoom in with this thing?" the redhead asked. "We have time enough to film it; they seem to be wrapped up in each other." Her voice sounded mean and backhanded.

"Huh…I don't think-"

"Hush, little girl," the blonde snapped. 'Nobody is interested in what you think. However, if you ever say something about this to Blair Waldorf, we will know how and where to find you. Just warning." She pointed her attention back to the cell phone. "Like this, Val," she then showed her friend how to zoom in.

"Why do you guys need that for?"

However, the girls didn't listen and just recorded the more than surprising view before them. "Kiss, kiss, kiss…" the redhead urged. "Yes." She laughed. "This is awesome."

"Oh, my God, Serena and Chuck…" the blonde let out as if she just realized they had exes who had been and still were very important to them.

"I know!"

"Send it to Gossip Girl now?"

The redhead grinned viciously. "No…I've got a _much_ better idea."

* * *

Tell me what you think!


End file.
